Oops, I Forgot to Write Again

I think the title really says it all. There is a big gap between when I wrote on Tuesday and today. I have been busy of course. Work Wednesday and Heather crashed here that night. Then hanging with Heather in the morning and then class, then homework and dinner with Lindsey and more homework and maybe a little bit of watching House too. I was up till midnight last night doing homework. I fell asleep at one point. I was fast asleep last night by the time Garret came to be. I decided to wake up at 8 today so that way if I wanted a real breakfast I could have it. Turns out I am too lazy right now to make it. That and not hungry enough for real food.

I need to clean the apartment a little. The clutter is starting to get to me as I am sitting here but it is not going to happen right now. I think I will go try to eat some donuts though.

Changes and Decisions

I realized last night that this is my last semester as a junior. In the fall I will be a senior and I will only have two semesters here at Farmington before I graduate with my degree and a certificate to teach English to students in grades 7-12. Scary huh? I know I am a little freaked. There are a lot of things that will change after I graduate.

For example I have no idea where I'll be living but it probably won't be in this little apartment that I have come to call home. It could be any number of places really. Anywhere there is a job for me is most likely. That could take me anywhere in Maine. I am thinking though that I may want to stay more towards southern Maine. Mostly because of change number two. Garret will most likely be going to Grad school after our year and a half here is up and that will mean he will be somewhere not in this state while I am stuck here. That is what you get when you take out a loan that is forgivable only on the condition that you stay in Maine and teach. Those politicians that came up with it are very clever. However, they would have been smarter to offer it to people from out of state as well in order to get some diversity in our schools. Anyway, Garret is going out of state and I will be here teaching somewhere. No need to make the distance between us any greater right? I have never been farther away from Garret than one hour and a half long drive. I can see this being hard. He is such a constant in my life now that it will be hard to adapt to him not being there.

There is change number three too. I will have a job as a teacher. I will no longer be a student. I will be an adult with a job and probably even more bills than I have now and there won't be any loans to fall back on to help me out. It will be just me and my hard work and my teaching salary. I will be 22 when I get my very own classroom. I will be young and I will have only a little bit of experience.

All of this has brought me to a decision. I want to look into travel courses and student exchange opportunities. When I graduate from college I will be held in place even more than I am now because I will be even more broke, I will have just gotten a new job and chances to see Garret will be limited meaning the summer after graduating I am going to want to spend as much time with him as I can before he goes away and there won't b much of it since he and I will probably both be working. If I want to travel I should do it now while I have the opportunity. The University will help me with financial aid if I need it, plus I have some money put away and I still have time to see Garret. I could take a travel course during the May term be gone for 6 weeks and when I come back resume my job just in time for the back to school season and to enjoy my summer break. Garret at that point will be working who knows where but we will find time to see each other on weekends like we did last summer and I can hang out with my family and friends. I want to travel and I don't what kinds of opportunities will be offered to me after I graduate. Now is as a good a time as any. I can at least ask around and see what is out there.

My Wonderful and Busy Life

I figured out why I was tired on Thursday. I came down with a cold the next day and then spent most of Saturday in bed trying to sleep it off. Thank God sleep seems to have worked because between school and work I do not have time to be sick.

I only had one class today and it was this morning but I have a whole book to read for tomorrow, poems to comment on for classmates and then more handouts to read for Wednesday as well as laundry, grocery shopping, food to cook and well, the list goes on. I can see that the rest of my life is going to be busy isn't it? Maybe that is just me.

I remember that in high school when I didn't have a play going on I would be bored a lot. Maybe I need that constant stimulation of running around. The stress and the constant doing things. It makes the days go by faster. Especially when I am busy doing things I have fun doing, like acting or sometimes school work. It certainly makes me appreciate when I do get down time. Days where Garret and I just lounge around watching House all day and eating whatever we like are few and far between but they seem like heaven to me. I guess I'm like my mom in that way. When I do get a day off very often I would rather sit at home and watch a movie than go out and party. Not that partying isn't fun or that I don't need some of that every now and again too but I find I am happiest just here in the apartment with people I love.

I'm really glad that most of the time Garret is more than happy to oblige to spending the evening quietly at home and even more glad that when I do find I need to get out and have fun he is willing to oblige me in that too.

I also have awesome friends. I love that when they come to visit me they don't expect us to go out to parties and get drunk. I like that they don't mind staying home with me to watch movies or to make late night random trips to Walmart. I also like that despite this they still invite me out to a night club occasionally because they know that even if I don't drink I LOVE to dance! I like that they know I can be comfortable in both places. I love that all my friends are different too. Some are wild like Heather and Jenna. Others are homebodies who occasionally like to go out like me, Alice, Lindsey and Mel. I like that most of them are just happy to sit and talk. I feel like we can have fun doing anything. I'm really lucky to have so many people in my life that care about me and who are fun to be around.

Why Am I Tired?

I am so tired this morning and I don't know why. I went to be around 1 and I slept till 10 so I should have gotten plenty of sleep. I need to eat but I am avoiding moving cause it sounds like work. I need to eat and start marinating the steak for tonight and charge my phone and pack my backpack for class at 1:40. I need to snap out of this being tired stuff cause I have Heather, Lindsey, Kilcoyne and Garret here for dinner tonight and Heather is staying the night. I think there my be something going on with Heather so I need to be awake and alert enough to make sure she is ok tonight. Why am I so tired. I only had two classes and work yesterday and the classes weren't that early and I had a pretty decent sized break between classes. Maybe I am just hungry and will feel more awake once I eat. Ok, going to eat.

Out With the Old, in With the New

Last night Garret and I had an interesting conversation while we were in bed. We were talking about my former roommates. I told him I wished that there was some third party out there who could tell me I wasn't crazy and that Amy really was as rude and inconsiderate to me as I thought she was. Someone who could say that I was right. Someone who saw everything, weighed both sides and said no you're right. Sometimes it just feels like I made it all up because the only person who heard and saw everything is Garret and none of it seemed to bother him like it did me. He told me I wasn;t crazy and I believe him. I am really glad that he was there to help me not make things worse cause things could have gone violent or even more angry than they did. I'm glad he was there to help me get out of the situation and to protect me at least a little bit.

I don't know what I did to deserve him. But I am so happy to have him in my life. I complain sometimes because he may be a little slow on catching up to what I am thinking or feeling but I can't blame him for that. I change thoughts and feelings mid way through them all the time. It is hard for me to keep up sometimes. And he does pretty well catching up and the does an even better job making me feel better and taking care of the problems. It is nice to have him there. It is nice to know i have help and I don't have to do it all by myself. I know I could but it is still nice to not have to. I'm certain that he is it for me. That he is who I want.

I'm sure that I have said a lot of this stuff before. I have been really happy lately. I finally got to see Mel. I have been in the apartment everyday with Garret over break which has been absolutely wonderful. Garret is looking at a couple of jobs here in Farmington for the summer, one working as a research assistant with Nick Koban and one as a tutor for Upward Bound. I would like it if he was a little closer this summer. I know if he tutors for Upward Bound he will probably be in the dorms for a good portion of the summer since that is required but I will be able to visit him and we may have weekends together. There is no telling what will happen this summer. Garret was supposed to work at the hospital in Augusta this break but they had no hours for him then. They may or may not have hours for him this summer.

I feel pretty lucky to have my steady job at Staples. The people there like me. It is a long drive but it pays well and there are always plenty of hours for me. Sometimes I think they want me there a little bit too often. They called me in just yesterday. I'm sure it won't be the last time they call me in this semester. It is nice to know that I can probably keep my job there for as long as I like.

It is snowing outside again. I love snow. It is so calming and relaxing watching it hit the ground. Ok, enough stalling. I need to eat and get ready for my first day of the new semester. Wish me luck.

Not Working Today!

So work called today. I am tired of them calling me on my days off. Anyway, they called and at first I said yes. But then I remembered that I was supposed to make dinner tonight for Garret and Kilcoyne so I called work back and told them I couldn't work the 1 to 9 they wanted me to work. I talked to Betty and not Mr. Benedetti the manager who had originally called me, but she said she would let him know. I just told her that I had plans and I hadn't been awake when they called and had just remembered. She didn't ask for details so I didn't give her many. I did apologize and she didn't seem too upset about it. This all happened at 9 am so they had plenty of time to get someone for the night shift. I bet Mandy can go in. She doesn't have school today either.

I start classes for the semester tomorrow. A little nervous, a little excited. I have two English classes, a Poetry Writing class and an Education class. It is going to be atough but hopefully fun semester.

Taking the Bad in With the Good

I'm supposed to be making pancakes right now in order to satisfy Garret's need to keep me healthy and happy and of course to satisfy what seems to be his ever present hunger. The boy eats all day and can still eat! Anyway, I just thought I would take some time to write a little today since I haven't written anything since the 1st. Maybe one of my New Year's resolutions should have been to write more. I have just been very busy writing and being happy. Very, very happy. I don't like work anymore than I did before but I certainly like being home more. I spend most nights curled up with Garret watching reruns of House, snacking on anything we can find and just relaxing. I love being home with him. I love cuddling with him. Things are most certainly quieter at home now and more relaxed. I don't worry as much. I'm not angry or scared or nervous everyday.

Things between Garret and I are better too. I don't complain anymore. Or cry because I can't hold my tongue anymore or because people are being cruel to me for reasons I can't understand. Things are good. When this all started I worried that there was no way to go back. That the whole situation may have caused permanent damage to me or to my relationship with Garret or my relations with my landlords but now things seem so very good. It is hard to worry about those things now when everything is so good. So I haven't.

I am mainly now concentrating on what happens next. Amy and Tim get their stuff out of the other room Saturday. Garret will be here and I won't. Garret says it is a little childish of me to be so insistent on not being here but I can't help it. I know that if I was here the only things I could think of would be bad. I don't want anything to affect my current happiness. School will start on the 19th which means my life will be super busy again but I know I will be excited for the challenge when it gets here. Once the semester starts weekly dinners with Lindsey will resume this time on Thursdays. I am very excited for them! I don't know what I will do without them and her in the fall while she is studying abroad. She has been such a great friend to me. I hope I can return the kindness in full. Before I know it summer will be here and it will be a new apartment, maybe a new cat and I'll be in my last year at UMF.

Life does have it's hardships though. Mel and my old friend Heather are having hard times. I offered Heather a place to escape here if she should need it. I just hope she can handle being home before she goes to Australia. And I hope the time abroad is good for her. She has promised me lots of pictures of beautiful Australian men so maybe it will be fun for me too! I wish there was more I could do to help Mel. She asked me to take in her two cats for her but I really just can't do that right now. It'd be unfair of me to ask Garret to take care of them when I'm not here which is often with work. Plus I know how attached I would get. I can't handle getting attached again so soon after losing my own cat.

I was secretly holding out hopes that maybe I would get my own cat back at the end of next semester when Amy and Tim realized that they didn't really have somewhere to take her to live with one of them but all those hopes are gone now. Tim and Garret decided that we wouldn't be splitting the pet deposit 3 ways and instead Tim gave Garret money for the cat expenses we paid for. More proof that she truly isn't my cat anymore.

It will all work out OK in the end though. The world has a way of setting itself right one way or another. Until then I'm just going to keep being happy. Keep taking the bad in with the good. Keep smiling and laughing and enjoying all the good parts of my life.

New Years Resolutions

1) Be around people who make me happy more often.
2) Have more fun.
3) Don't be so quick to judge myself. I don't have to keep proving myself everyday.

There, now if I can only keep them.