A Little Bit Neglected

So I may have been neglecting this blog recently. I started a new one to chronicle my student teaching days but that's not really an excuse. Not a good one anyway. I have lots of things I could talk about on this blog. Like how I went over to my old apartment and yelled at Garret one night. Or about how I have now gone to Old Port twice and had a blast both times. Or about the boys who I have been stood up by recently. Or I could post about Mel and how great she has been to me while I have been coping with my recent relationship status change. I could write about being single. There are so many things I could write about. Its strange. Normally when I don't write a lot it is because not a lot is going on. Usually I don't write because I am busy with school or work or both. Recently though I have just been busy doing and haven't taken the time to write and reflect. I think that is a good thing. It means I am busy. It means I am out living life and trying to create a new one. One that doesn't include Garret.

It's been a challenge, this making a new life. There are nights when I want to give up. night when I am so lonely I can't stand it anymore and I just want to call Garret and beg him to take me back. Slowly though I am learning how to keep those thoughts at bay. I go out. I see friends. I work on school work. I read. I write. Yes! I write! I have a few story ideas that I have been batting around in my head. I have bee posting one on here. I should really work on that one a little more. But I am busy with school recently.

Anyway, this was just a quick update to say that I haven't forgotten this blog and that I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth.

One Shot

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

~Lose Yourself by Eminem~

I have one shot alright. One shot to get through college. One shot to get my teaching degree. One shot to get as far from what I know and do what I want to do. Sometimes my dreams seem so crazy. I mean who would have ever thought that a poor girl from Orland would get into college. Who would have thought that she would be succeeding? Who would have thought she would be about to go into her student teaching? I am so close to having my dreams unfold that I can taste them. And sometimes I want it so bad that it hurts. I have been given this great opportunity to learn everything I need to in order to be a great teacher, to be better than any one would have ever imagined me to be. I can be something great. I can be a teacher and a writer. I can travel the world. I can be anything I want to be. I can feel myself getting closer and closer everyday. But every step is difficult. I have to remind myself every day that failure just isn't an option. Its succeed or do what my parents did. Work a job I hate so that I can eat.

I'd Rather Be Me

Baby, I can be whatever you want me to be
but just this once
I'd like to be me.

I can love the rain
and the smell in the air when
the leaves begin to fall.

I can be interested in anime
and be your own personal editor
of your latest manuscript.

I can go to all of your games
and root you on
in your path to greatness.

But just this once I would like to be me.

Jut this once I would like someone to
push me to be my best
to help me achieve my dreams
to cheer me on
to show me things about myself that I didn't know.

So baby, I can be whatever you want me to be
but I'd rather be me.

Can you handle that?

Soul Mates

"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

~From Eat, Pray, Love