Day # 25 The Person I Know Is Going Through the Worst of Times

Dear Me,

When I wrote the list out of all the people I would write these letters for I had planned to write this one for Steve. I had also planned to write them all in as close to a month as I could. Little did I know that I wouldn't finish in a month. Little did I know that I would be writing this letter to me. Yeah.

4 years is a long time to be with the same person. 4 years is a long time to tell someone you love them and that you want to marry them. It's funny how now that we were close to actually tying the knot we are even further away than ever before. How is it that we can plan and plan our lives away but there is always something that happens that ruins all of our plans?

Why does this have to be it? Why does this have to be the thing that breaks us? Kissing, hugging, touching, cuddling, all of it. Those things should be easy. So why did they break us? I don't understand. I was happy with him. Maybe I would have liked to kiss him more, touch him more but that wasn't because I felt neglected. I just liked it. Did he not like it? Why not? He always did before. What is it that made us fight about it? Why did he spend a month one summer not kissing me? Am I a bad kisser? Does he not like kissing? Or does he just no longer want to be kissing me? Maybe he never really liked me all that much in first place? Maybe I was in love with him and he wasn't in love with me?

I keep going over every fight we ever had and everything he said to me in the end. I keep trying to figure out why it didn't work. I don't understand. We fought a lot in the dorms. Over stupid stuff. Now we had been living for a long time together in our apartment and we fought rarely but somehow... this is the end.

I keep telling myself that things obviously weren't as great as I thought they were or he wouldn't have broken things off. But I keep going back to the fight we had over Thanksgiving. I feel like thats why he called it off. He said it was part of this but not the cause, he said this caused that fight. But that was one fight and I wanted to take back everything as soon as I said it. I don't even know why I said it. Maybe if I hadn't said it we would still be together.

All I know for sure is I want him back. I don't think he will ever be mine again though. And I am convinced that I will be alone. I was prepared to be alone before he came along. Now it is hard to go back to that. I haven't been alone for 4 years. I forget how to be alone.

Good Luck
Me

Day # 24 The Person That Gave Me My Favorite Memory

Dear Garret,

There are a lot of memories that I will always treasure with you. The night you sent me your story and I knew I was the girl in the sand, the night you told me you loved me, the night you asked me out, the first time you kissed me, the many times we "ran away to Canada" together or to Poland, the first night we slept in the same bed together, our first night in our new apartment, and of course, our last Christmas together. It was just about perfect. It was just us at home snuggling, unwrapping gifts and watching House for hours. But none of these are my favorite. My favorite memory is of us cuddling on our bed just as happy as we could be because we just realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were looking at each other and smiling and I was crying I was so happy. We had only been dating 9 months but I knew then and there that I never wanted another man, ever.

I will never forget the way you held me closed and whispered to me. I will never forget how could you smelled or how good it felt to be held so close by you. I won't forget kissing you and telling you, "You're the one."

You're the One, Garret.

Dani

Day # 23 The Last Person I Kissed

Dear Garret,

Yep, I'm I not cheating on you. You are the person I kissed most recently, the last person I kissed. I hope that you will be the only man I will ever kiss again. I love you. And I truly think that you are the only person out there for me. I have never loved someone more than I love you. I care about you so much. You make me happier than i have ever been in my entire life. You are my best friend and I am allowed to kiss you, tell touch you, hold you and tell you my deepest darkest secrets. Nothing could be better. I hope you know that you and your happiness are the most important things in the world to me. And I am sorry if sometimes it seems like I forget that.I can't deny that sometimes I am not the best girlfriend in the world to you. But I am working on it. I promise. And we are going to have an amazing life together.

Love Always,

Dani

Day # 22 Someone I Want To Give A Second Chance To

Dear Isaac,

Yeah, I want to give you a second chance. The question is how can I? It wouldn't really be a second chance. It be the 1 millionth. Maybe I should call it quits. Maybe I should just stick to my guns. And give up on you. But everyone else gave up on you. How can I?

Dani

Day # 21 Someone I Judged By Their First Impression

Dear Carmon,

So we're not friends. And we never have been friends. However, I need to admit something to you. In high school when I first met you and saw the people you hung out with I judged you. I judged wrong. Later on in high school I had a creative writing class with you and that was when I realized it. You weren't an air head like the people you hung out with. And you weren't like he preps whose every thought was about when the next party would be. You were different. You were deeper than that. And funny. And nice. And friendly and kind. Maybe we aren't friends, but that isn't because of how I judged you. Its more because I avoided your friends and that meant avoiding you unless you were alone. But I have no problem with you. I want you to know that you are an aquaintance that when I see I don't cross the road to avoid. I don't mind stopping to chit chat with you. And I certainly wouldn't mind hanging out some time. I want you to know that I think you're alright.

Sincerely,

Dani

Day # 20 The Person That Broke My Heart The Hardest

Dear Jason,

I think if you were reading this letter you would be surprised. After all, I was already broken when we started dating. I think that probably had a lot to do with why you hurt so much. I was happy with you. I loved you. You never loved me.

You made me feel like I was deserving of love again but then you didn't really love me at all. You made me feel special and wonderful and desirable. Then you didn't want me. I just wasn't important enough. I didn't even make your top ten.

I understood that I came in second to school. We were in high school and we were both there because it was a stepping stone towards the lives we wanted. I understood that your friends and your family were important. They were important to me too. I even understood when you couldn't find time to spend 10 minutes talking to me before or after practice. I understood that basketball, soccer, track, chess club, latin club, math team, all of it was equally important to you.

You just didn't think I was important. I couldn't compete with all of that. And I didn't even try to. I just asked to be on the list of things and people that meant something to you. And you said, "I don't think I can give 100% to this relationship." I asked if I was important and demanded to know yes or no and you said, "Its not that black and white." I wasn't even asking you for more of your time. Just an acknowledgment that I was someone you cared for.

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I let you know how i felt too soon. Maybe I didn't play it cool enough. Or maybe I just came off as too clingy. I don't know.

All I know for sure is that I will never let anyone make me feel like I don't matter again.

Thanks for showing me that I do matter.

Dani

Day # 19 The Person That Pesters My Mind

Dear Isaac,

This letter has been coming for a while. Part of me thinks I shouldn't even be writing it. Writing it means admitting that I think about you. Writing it means admitting that not everything I think about you is bad. Much of what I think about are the good things. Those hurt more than the bad.

Good Things:
1) Books! I miss talking about books with you. I miss swapping books and ideas back and forth. I miss having long conversations about what we were reading and making suggestions of other things the other might enjoy.
2) The way it was always so fun to talk to you. You managed to challenge me intellectually while making me laugh.
3) Passing notes. I liked passing notes with you. It was fun. I kept them all for a very long time. I only recently threw them away in an attempt to forget about the past. But sometimes I don't think forgetting is a good idea.
4) Being friends. And being more than friends for a while. Before it got creepy, it was nice.

Bad Things:
1) Stalking me
2) Calling me names
3) Guilting me
4) The way we would fight, you would apologize, we would be distant for a while, everything would be better and then we would fight again sometimes about nothing. Sometimes we fought just because you were in a bad mood or because I was making you think about what could have been or because I was thinking about what could have been or because you were angry at how things were and I wanted to help you.

I go back and forth between the list of good things and bad things in my head. You seem to float in when I am not thinking about other things. Sometimes things remind me of you. Sometimes I am just thinking about high school. Sometimes you show up in my writing. But I wonder about you a lot.

I wonder if you are doing ok. I wonder if you are finally clean and back on your feet. I wonder if you know that I know about almost everything that happened to you after we stopped talking. I wonder if you know that what you did to yourself hurt me more than what you did to me and what we did to each other. I wonder if you know I considered you my best friend in high school right up until I realized that best friends don't treat each other as terribly as you treated me. I wonder if you knew I had nightmares about you. I wonder if you know I thought about leaving the state because of you. I wonder if you have wondered about me and if you are keeping an ear out for news of me as I am keeping an ear out for news of you.

Mostly I wonder if the good things are worth giving you another chance. Not a second chance but 1 millionth chance because we both know I gave you thousands before.

You say you have changed. You apologized. I am sorry I made you go through reliving what was going on, on my end before accepting that apology. But I wanted it to mean something. You have apologized so many times before and it has meant nothing. I want it to mean something. I want to know that you have genuinely grown as a person and genuinely want my forgiveness for what you did. I want to know that you want to work at being a better person and at treating me better. I want to know that if I let you back into my life you will never make me so afraid that I refuse to leave my house ever again.

But I can never really know and that scares me.

Before you I was always sure of people. Of their potential to be amazing. Before you I was sure of who to trust and who not to trust. I can no longer trust my instincts about this. I care about you. You were my best friend. I can not trust myself because I know that caring clouds my judgement.

I am still so afraid of your ability to make me hurt. Fear is supposed to be good because it makes us cautious. I was never cautious before you. And in some ways I miss who I was before you. In many ways I wish I could get her back.

That is when I wonder if I miss you or if I miss who I was when we were friends. Then I realize it is both.

I wish you could answer these questions for me. But I fear that only way for us to ever truly move on and be friends again is to relive our past. And if that goes badly I don't know if I can come back again. Do you know of another way? Is that what you want? Do you want to be my friend again? Is that why you apologized to me? Did you think that it would be easy? Or simple? Can you answer any of my questions better than I can? I wish you could.

Only More Confused Now

Dani

Day #18 The Person I Wish I Could Be

Dear Me,

You are so kind and respectful of everyone. You never feel anger or hatred towards anyone. I love that you are able to see people for who they are and accept them unconditionally. I love that you never react with violence or anger but always with kindness. You bring out the best in people. I am not sure how you do it.

And you always do it while looking your best. You are always your best no matter what. You never have a day when you are too angry and sad to deal with people in the way that they should be dealt with. You never take things out on people who don't deserve it. You are never tired or lonely or feeling particularly anti-social. You always seem to be exactly where you should be.

You never get tired of your family. You never feel angry at your mother for constantly nagging you, or at your father for not showing any real interest in anything you do at school. You never feel hurt that your grandmother can be so old fashioned and set in her ways or frustrated by your step-father's many ways of not seeing the larger picture. You always stand up for your step-mom and your dad when your mom or others are trash talking them. And you always recognize the ways that your mother tries to manipulate you and manage to navigate them without feeling guilty.

You also manage to keep yourself and your apartment clean. You are more healthy now than you have been in ages. You eat right, go to the gym regularly and take care of yourself. All while making everyone else feel that they come first. How you manage to do all of this and get your school work done is a completely mystery to me.

You also never neglect your own personal writing or the books you want to read. You still manage to find time for persuing your own interests. Often I feel like there must be 10 of you or maybe you just no longer sleep. However, you are doing it. Please keep on.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Wishes She Were You

Day # 17 Someone From My Childhood

Dear Coty,

If there was ever one relationship in my life that has never changed, ever, it would be my friendship with you. Our interests growing up included, the Titanic, acting, Harry Potter, writing, traveling and the outdoors. In some ways these have changed but we are still best friends. Better than that we are best cousins!

I wish that we had had our chance to go to school together. I think we would have had a lot of fun doing plays together and traveling. But in many ways I am glad that we didn't. In this way it is only natural that we should have different friends and some differing interests. It means that we got to grow up together without feeling like we grew apart.

And we haven't grown apart. Whenever we hang out we are able to pick up our friendship exactly where we left off. The old jokes and stories are still just as funny. We still need to compare notes on people we both know. We still find the same books, movies and plays interesting. Although, I am not nearly as interested in broadway show tunes as you are, I can see why you like them so much.

It seems though that I have always been destined to go the way of the artist or the starving teacher and you to go towards science. We both want to help people but you want to be financial stable. No one can blame you. No one can blame you for going to school out of state either. I wish I had had the courage and ability to do so. I am extremely jealous of the places you have been. But i am glad that you allow me to live vicariously through you a little bit.

I hope that we stay friends for the rest of our lives. You were my first confidant and still are the person I tell most everything to.

Lots of Love

Dani

Day #16 Someone That Isn't in My State or Country

Dear Justy (yes, Justy deal with it, I am not calling you Justin),

How is Florida? You were the only person I could think that I know who lives in another state. Thus why I am writing this letter to you. That and you were a pretty awesome cousin. We weren't nearly as close as Coty and I were growing up but I like to think that you and I are still friends.

I hope you know that I am proud of you. I am proud of you for finding someone you really care about and being willing to go anywhere to be with them. I am proud of you for knowing that maybe college wasn't for you and making the choice to do something harder, enter the work force. I am proud of you for leaving the state. It was really brave of you to stroke out on your own like that and try to live somewhere new and foreign to you. I hope you know that all of your family is proud of you too. You have some guts.

I don't know that I will ever live somewhere other than Maine. I genuinely like it here. I like the snow and the summers. I like the water. I like the woods especially. They always seem so dark and foreboding until you really get to know them. In some ways, Maine still feels wildly untamed. Maybe though, I could go stay for a little while in some other place. Montana maybe. Or maybe I could try a big city. I do know that even if I don't live somewhere else, I want to travel. I want visit as many states as I can. Maybe some day I will come visit you in Florida. You make it sound amazing from everything you post on Facebook.

Anyway, this letter is for you, Jutsty. I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for being brave enough to try something new.

Hugs and maybe some love (just kidding, definitely some love)

Dani

Day #15 The Person I Miss the Most

Dear Dad,

Yeah, I miss you. And it is really all my fault. I went to school in Farmington, 2 hours away from you and an hour from mom. I took a job in Augusta, making it even easier to see mom more than I see you. I never try to visit on weekends any more. I just go to work, do homework and spend time with Garret. I see you on holidays and rarely in between. We don't really talk. I am not good with phones and neither are you. You are no good with Facebook despite having one and so there is not much communication there. I no longer have TV and even if I did I work every Sunday that the football games are on. Otherwise I am sure we would be texting back and forth about the game every Sunday.

I miss Patriots football, peanut butter brownies, bon fires, four-wheelers, hiking in the woods, trail clearing, working on the car, watching tv and movies together and chess games.

Plain and simple. I miss you, dad and it is all my fault.

Love You to the Moon and Back Again

Dani

Day #14 Someone I Have Drifted Away From

Dear Becky,

Did you know it was going to be your name in that first line? In second grade and onward we were best friends. But sometime between when I moved to Chelsea to now we drifted apart. I am not sure if it was the distance or if it was your breaking off your friendship with Nikki that caused the rift but I do know that it is there. Maybe we have just grown up and apart. Maybe we just want different things in life. Maybe I am just too focused to remember old acquaintances anymore. I'm not really sure.

You are getting married. To a man that I have never even met. We always used to introduce our boys to each other. We used to size each other's boys up and give each other feedback. I don't think you have met Garret and I know that I have not met your fiance. I am not sure that I have the right to be an important person for him to meet anymore. I haven't really talked to you since you texted me to say that you two were engaged. And that was random. I don't even remember if you told me you were dating him.

Maybe then it is the communication between us that has caused the rift. But I feel like it is deeper than that. I didn't like that you stuck up for your boyfriend over your friend, Nikki. I don't care what he said. She said he came at her and she is your best friend. Friends before boys. If you hadn't picked him over her then maybe you two would still be friends. Maybe she and I would still be friends.

Maybe I am wrong to think that you made the wrong call. I have certainly drifted away from Nikki too. I think that she is way too dramatic for me. And I don't really want to deal with her. Maybe that was how you felt about her too. Maybe you just caught on before I did.

Maybe the whole distance between us is all my fault. I am trying to create a life for myself. Something new and as different as possible from the life I had in Orland. Maybe that I am pushing all the little reminders of my first hometown out of my brain. Maybe it is that I don't want reminders of what I once was hanging around too much. Maybe I just am trying too hard to bury the past.

Maybe I am over thinking this. All I know for sure is that we aren't the same people anymore. And I am not sure that we are best friends any more.

Your Friend,

Dani

Day #13 Someone I WIsh Could Forgive Me

Dear Heather,

I remember when we first met. Freshman college prep English I with Mrs. Bourget. That was probably the most boring class ever. It was the first day and I didn't have any friends and the teacher told us we should get into groups of 3. I turned to you and Tori Mann because you two were the closest and we got into a group. I remember you being surprised I knew your name until I admitted I read it on your bag. Back then I was bold because I had nothing to lose. I had no friends and I figured that things couldn't get much worse. It was lucky for me that I met you.

We have been through a lot together. You were there for me whenever I let you in. Sometimes, a lot. Sometimes, like when all the stuff with Isaac happened, it wasn't until later that I realized that I should have let you in. I went to Chizzle Wizzle every year to see you. I loved watching you dance. We ate ice cream and watched bad movies in my room when you and Joe McCarthy were breaking up. I hated him for you. I still hate him for you.

I think that is what you are doing now for me. Hating a boy for me. Except I love him. And I am still with him. He really does make me happy. I wish you could forgive him. I wish you could forgive me.

I know you remember me as bold. I know you remember me as dancing until I want to drop dead, skinny dipping in my back yard, singing at the top of my lungs in the car, matching mood rings and bright green headbands (because what the heck, I can wear anything right?) but I don't think you see me as stay at home and cuddle in front of the tv. I don't think you see me playing scrabble and making lame jokes out of the little brown tiles.

I think you hate him because you hate me. I think you hate me because I am not the same bold girl I once was. You and I caused so much trouble and spurred each other ever on to new trouble. But now, I think I feel safe to you. I think you hate me because I'm not the bold you remember. I haven't been bold in a long time. Not like I was freshman year in English class. Not since Isaac.

I think you knew I wasn't as bold after that. But I think you thought that college would make me bold again. I wish you could forgive me for not being that girl.

I know you have never said any of this. But I can feel the distance between us. You say you feel uncomfortable around Garret because you feel like he judges you for drinking. I think you feel uncomfortable around me because I don't and you do. I am not that bold and you are. We have always before been equally bold. We have always been trouble together.

Forgive me for not being trouble. I miss you, my wild child.

Love,
Dani

Day #12 The Person I Hate the Most

I hate you. There, I said it. I think I have used every other phrase that I could think of in order to describe my feelings towards you. But lets be honest. I simply hate you. I hate the way you look. I hate the way you smell. I hate the way you walk. I hate the music you listen to. I hate the food you eat. I hate the clothes you wear. I hate the way you talk. I hate the sound of your voice. I hate the things you say. I especially hate the things that you say. I hate the way you gesture with your hands to say that my words are unimportant. I hate the way that everything has to be done on your time and no one else's. I hate that I am always wrong and you are always right. I hate that condescending way you look at me. And I hate the way you make me want to crawl inside a dark hole and die. I hate that you made me feel like shit. I hate that everyone around me said you didn't know you did it. I hate that the friends I saw regularly at the time liked you. I hate that they defended you, over and over again. I hate that they encouraged me to keep my mouth shut. Yes, it was for my own good but I regret the many opportunities I had to say, "Go to hell you god damn fucking slut."

Most of all though, I hate that I thought, at first, that I was just jealous of your relationship with my boyfriend. I thought I just didn't like the way you were all chatty and funny and giggly with him but not with me. I thought I just hated the way you liked to pretend I wasn't in the room. Or the way you were silent when I was there. I thought I just hated that you got to spend time with him, going to see comedians and movies while I was at work. I thought I hated that I couldn't do those things too because I was always in class or at work.

I hated that you flirted with my boyfriend right in front of me and he passed it off as friendship. Truth is, you only put up with me because Garret wanted me around. If you could have gotten rid of me, you would have in a heart beat. And many times you did. I hated that I kept trying to be your friend, thinking that it was me with the problem and not you. Guess what, bitch, I win.

He is still mine.

Keep your dirty hands off of him.

Dani

Day #11 A Deceased Person I Wish I Could Talk to

Dear Uncle Robin,

You probably hate that I call you that but I'm sorry, to me you will always be my Uncle Robin. I think about you a lot even though I only had a short time with you. You had a big impact on both me and my mom. In many ways you taught us both what it means to truly accept someone for who they are even when who they are is a little different from everyone else. I think you played a big part in helping my mom and I realize that the world needs to respect people a little more and judge them a lot less.

I think you would be very proud of me for the person that I have become. In fact, I know you would be. I know you would be proud to say that the little girl who used to make you water all of her grandmother's flowers with her teeny tiny watering can has become a bright young woman capable of changing the world. You are part of the reason that i want to be a teacher. I want to teach the future generations what you and my mom taught me.

Ignorance is not bliss. It breeds hatred and violence where there should be respect and understanding. The more we know of each other, the more we understand, the less we are afraid and the closer we can get to being a world that is safe for everyone to live in. Maybe some day people will understand you the way mom and I do.

I think you would also be proud to know that while I am working hard at school so that I can teach the next generation what it is to truly be respectful, I also work outside of school to make it a reality. My opinions on the issue are known and felt everywhere I go. I try to be the kind of person that is accepting of all people no matter what.

The day I voted No on 1 I walked home and cried as I thought about you and how proud you would be. Were you alive today you would deserve to live in a world where your love is respected,valued and understood for what it is, love. Plain and simple. I expect that somewhere in heaven you smiled down on me that day for doing the right thing.

Love,

Dani

Day # 10 Someone I Do't Talk to as Much as I Would Like to

Dear Jewels,

I am sorry. There is really no excuse for it. I feel like I have probably failed a little as a friend. But then again, I guess you have to. We were so close in high school. Then we went to college and since then our lives have kind of drifted apart. I wish that we had both managed to keep in touch more. I have just been so busy to keeping the relationships with my family and the friends I am making here going, with school, with living on my own and with work that I forgot that the relationship I had with you is of equal importance. Sometimes I see you post something on Facebook and I think to leave you message to get in touch but neither of us ever follows through. I should have. There have been some major changes in your life since I left and I should have been a better friend to in keeping track with how you were doing.

I wish we could talk. But neither us are very good at keeping in touch apparently. Maybe someday we will hang out again. Maybe some day we will run across the street yelling at each other about being careful not to get run over. Maybe some day I will see you, you will run up and grab my boobs like you always do and we will laugh at the joke like we did in the years past. Maybe some day you will hug me again and call me cutie-bootie.

I hope you know that even though we don't talk I still consider you a close friend. I hope you know that there are many days when I think of you and I miss you. I will never find another Jewels.

Love Always,
Your Friend,

Dani (Cutie-bootie)

Day # 9 Someone I Wish I Could Meet

Dear Grampa Terrill,

You died June 16th, 1989. I was born June 25th, 1989. It seems cruel the way life felt the need to take a life before I could enter this world. It seems cruel that I never got to meet the man that had such a huge impact on my family's life. My mom always tells me about you more than anyone else. She told me about when her and dad were dating, how you would answer the phone and tell her dad was out with some little blond thing. She told me that if you were alive you would have spoiled me rotten. She told me about the day, standing in the kitchen looking at my very pregnant mom you declared that I was not going to be a boy and that I wasn't going to come early. You were right. I wonder how you knew. I wonder what made you so sure. It seems like you just knew me even before I was born. I wish I had gotten the chance to know you.

Mimi misses you, you know. I know she does. She doesn't talk about you much but every now then she does. One day a few years back she accidently called Brandon you. mom says Mimi is different since you died. She says you used to do all the shopping because Mimi was so afraid of driving and the grocery store. She isn't afraid anymore. Gradually she has come out. She still hates the big bridge and the highway but she will drive them when she has to. For a long time she went and did whatever she pleased. I think she liked being able to do that. I don't think it made up for her loneliness though. For many years all of us grandchildren took turns staying the night, one every weekend. I know she liked having us around. We liked being with her too. Now that we are older we no longer do that. Mimi married again. It was 8 years ago now on Valentine's Day. I think Raymond helps with the loneliness. I think she is happier now.

In some ways I know that your dying was good. I know that it made dad realize how short life is and I think it made him want to be a really good father to his kids from the beginning because he wouldn't be able to make up for it later. I think it made Mimi come out of her shell and be a stronger, more confident person. But it didn't help me. For a long time it was just another way that men leave women. it was just another reason to hate men and not want them around. It was another reason to be single. I realize now that you didn't leave us. I realize that you were taken from us. I know you had no choice. I hope you loved us as much as we love you. I hope you are watching us somewhere in heaven and are happy for us, proud of us even for finding a way to carry on without you. For making the most of what is left of life.

I still wish I knew you.

Love,

Dani

Day # 8 My Favorite Internet Friend

Dear Mel,

I know we are friends in real life as well as online but you are the friend I interact the most with online. It's funny, whenever I post something on Facebook I wait to see if you, my mom or my grandmother will be the first to respond. It seems you keep close tabs on my life. I like having a friend who cares enough to stalk me. It is nice to know that if I ever need a friend all I have to do is send you a text or a quick message on Facebook.

You and I have been through quite a bit together in the short 4 years that we have known each other. Break ups, make ups, family feuds, moves in and out of town, school drama, friend drama, money drama, and never quite knowing if we would come out on top of it all. You have never failed to be there for me. And I hope that I have never failed to be there for you too.

It seems like it was just yesterday that I met you and only a few days ago that we were sharing a room together in the dorms. The time has certainly flown by with you as my friend. We have had a lot of fun together. watermelon, King Arthur, farting, apples to apples, skip-bo, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and of course swapping books and our own writing. I love reading your writing and editing. I also love sharing my stuff with you. You are an amazing writer and I like having you there as a sound board to bounce things off of.

There have also been times when we have irritated each other. Times when i have been excruciatingly stubborn and times when you have done exactly what I told you not to do only to get yourself into the trouble I specifically warned you about. We are both the kind of people that have to do things our way first. We are both the kind of people who only take advice when you truly want it. I am glad that that has never stood in the way of our friendship. I am glad that when the other is doing something a bit dumb we don't rub it in their faces. We just kind of say, well, lets try and get you out of this mess. It isn't about who is right or who is wrong. It is about being ourselves and loving the other person for being themselves. Our friendship is good because we have know each other's strengths, what makes us each wonderful as well as our weaknesses and faults.

True friends like you don't come around everyday and I hope you know that I value you for that, for being a true friend to me.

Love,
Your Always Friend,

Dani

Day # 7 My Ex-Boyfriend

Dear Ryan,

I am really glad that you and I are sort of friends now. When we parted I was certain we would be. Mostly because I was angry. I wasn't even all that angry with you really for dumping me, over aim I might add.I was more angry cause I had known that we had been over for 4 months. I had just not wanted to admit it. We had returned to school and despite my frequent tries to see you, you were always busy. I should have known what that I meant. But I didn't. Probably because when I did see you, everything was the same as it always was. You were trying to push me just a little farther and I was not letting you. I wasn't in love with you.

I didn't tell you tat at the time. I mean, I did love you. You had been my best friend since first grade. We had ridden the bus everyday together before I moved. I just wasn't in love with you. I couldn't be. I was still trying to run away.

I was angry with myself after we were over because I hadn't loved you and I knew it but I let you use me and I used you a little back. I needed you. Not in the physical way you wanted me too though. I needed you to make me think I felt safe again and that everything was god again. That everything in my life was normal again. I was a wreck after Isaac. And I didn't realize how bad it was. I realize it now though. I guess the cliche, "hind sight is 20/20" is dead on.

I can't say that I am sorry for how things worked out though. I think we have both realized that we are better as friends. I like that. Thanks for being my friend.

Your Friend,

Dani

Day # 6 To a Stranger

(I missed a day, I know. I had to work yesterday and unfortunately they are doing this thing where they close an hour later this week so I didn't get home till late and then I had homework. I think I have been doing pretty good though.)

Dear Stranger,

I don't know you and you don't know me. That is made clear by the term stranger. But I would like to think that when you see me you see a fellow human being. One with a past filled with rich experiences, experiences that you may or may not be able to relate to. But experiences altogether different than yours. I hope that you can respect these differences. I wish you could respect me because I am human. Because I live and breathe and love in much the same way that you do.

I hope that you can respect other people who are even more different from you than I am. I doubt it though. See, that is what is missing in the world. Respect and understanding for others who are different than ourselves. I wish it was different.

I have met you dear stranger. It was last year, right before the big state elections. Everyone here was hyped up about question 1. Should we be the first state in the union to actually vote for gay marriage or would we be like many other states who have shot the idea down? You were against. I was for. You were handing out fliers. I was respectful of you and your opinion even though I didn't agree. I took the handout, thanked you for your opinion and then threw it away when you weren't looking. I had already made my decision. I would respect the gay communities right to the pursuit of happiness. I would vote for gay marriage.

Maybe your experiences were different from mine. I had been raised knowing that gay people are the same as you and me. They just love a little bit differently.

Respectful yours,

Dani