Passion

From, "Daphne with Her Thighs in Bark"

the opposite of passion
is not virtue
but routine.


~Eavan Boland~

What do I do?

So my stomach hurts, a lot. My doctor only has me on the Amoxicilin and Omeprazole and not the other anibiotic last time because it made me sick the last time I took it. Not sure then if this will work to get rid of the H Pylori or not. Not sure what to do. I feel like this whole medical help thing has been very badly done. Mean while I am losing hours at work, making my family, friends and co-workers worry and feeling like crap all around. Not to mention my original problems seem to be getting worse. I am so confused now that I don't know what to do. Do I wait till next week to see the doctor I am scheduled to see? Do I go to the emergency room and demand help now? Do i call my doctor's office up and yell at them? I wish I knew what was best for me and my body. I keep trying to do the right thing so that I get better but nothing seems to help. No matter how much I sleep or how much I try to eat right my stomach still hurts, my doctors still treat me without testing me, they still put me off and they still don't call when they say they will, I keep making appointments and calling them, I keep being honest and actively trying to get help. I got nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore and no one seems to have answers. And of course, the more no one can answer me the more I wonder if something could be seriously wrong. I have been seeing doctors since the beginning of July and August will be over before I know it. I have been having symptoms since June. Something has got to change.

Wish me Luck

I probably have H Pylori again. I don't know for sure though because my doctor said she can't test me for it. So there will be drugs waiting for me to pick up at Rite Aid shortly to treat me for H Pylori. I hate that. Good news is my ultra sound came back normal so at least my body isn't so messed up that the doctors are becoming worried about what they have seen. I have a visit with a gyno in Livermore Falls on the 18th still. I just have to hold on till then. I will probably be feeling very sick for at least the next 4 or 5 days so expect emo posts from till then if there are any at all. The antibiotics they gave me last time made me miserable so I am expecting it to be no better this time.

Change

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference!!!

-Stolen from Wendy's Facebook Status

Take That

I woke up at 8 this morning because I was told that I would be getting a call between 8 and 9 today about scheduling an ultra sound. I was not called. AT 10 am I called my doctor's office. They at first told me they knew nothing about scheduling me an ultra sound. Then I told them that a gentleman had taken my name and phone number just yesterday and told me I would be getting a call between 8 and 9 today. They looked at my paperwork again. I then found out they had scheduled my ultra sound. It was just not for today. It was for Friday at 8:30 am. When I was supposed to be at work. I then had to call out of work. My boss was more than happy to just give me the day off cause my bosses are amazing. Then I called the ob/gyn office to see if they had ever scheduled an appointment for me. They had. For August 30th. I was pissed. I have been seeing doctor after doctor and trying to get this taken care of soon because I have had this since June and now it is August and they won't even look at me till the end of the month. There was no fucking way I was going to wait that long. I immediately got out the phone book for Farmington and started looking for ob/gyns. Good news. I found one in Livermore Falls not more than 20 minutes from where I live who can see me the 18th. That is a hell of a lot sooner than the 30th. Bad news. He is a man. But at this point I don't think I care. More good news, the insurance company called and I can see a gyno no problem and they will cover it. They don't even have to pre-approve me. And the gyno in Livermore Falls takes my insurance. I then called the ob/gyn in Augusta and cancelled for the 30th. Then I called my doctor's office and told them I had decided I needed to see someone before the 30th and I had already made an appointment for the 18th to see a doctor in Livermore Falls, I then gave them the doctor's name and fax number and asked them to fax my stuff over to him. Then I called work and asked for the 18th off.

Finally I feel like I am in control of my life at least a little bit. I am not letting these doctor's push me around anymore. I am sick and tired of it. They are crazy if they think I am going to let them put me off, forget to call me, make appointments I can't make for me, not test me or treat me for shit I don't have anymore. I also think that after the school year starts up I will no longer be seeing Dr. Eckert or Sheepscot Valley. I think I will never go back there again. I will go to the Health Center on campus where they get stuff done while I am in school, I will go to the hospital here in Farmington if I need anything and when I move again I will be finding a new doctor near where I live who I like and who doesn't give me this kind of run around. And they can eat shit.

What it Feels Like

Sometimes I just look at him and it hits me. At some point in my life I stopped wanting any man but him, and I am perfectly ok with that because he is everything I could ever want.

Even when he is being dumb, he is being dumb for the right reasons.

No, we don't always agree, and we often seen things differently, but that just makes the world a whole lot more interesting.

I know I could survive without him in my life because it is who I am. But I don't want to have to.

I Hate Doctors

I think the title says it all really. I hate doctors. Here is my list of why;

1) I hate being sick. It messes up all o your plans and makes you feel utterly helpless.
2) I hate waiting rooms. I try to arrive places early so that I don't have to wait and so I will be respectful of other people's time. Doctor's are never respectful of anyone's time. Just today I spent 30 minutes in the waiting room before they even took me into the exam room.
3) They treat you for stuff before they test you. They just hand out drugs and say if it works great, if not then come back. it wastes my time and money. They could just get it right the first time and save me a lot of hassle.
4) They always seem to make you more sick before you get better. The treatment is almost not worth the being better part.
5) They ask where it hurts and then they poke you there to see how much it hurts and if it actually hurts. It hurts doc, please stop poking me?!?!
6) They always assume the worst of people. They treat you and test you for things you can't possibly have. They could save time if they just believed that I wasn't lying.
7) They always say they will call you but they never do. They just forget until you call them.
8) They are always busy so you can never get an appointment when you need one. It is always a week later.

9) The number 1 reason why I hate doctors is because right now I am sick. The problems just see to keep piling up and none of them have any answers. I am tired of the run around and the bullshit. I just want to be healthy again so I can get back to my life. I just want some one to make all the pain go away. I am tired and I feel old having to see the doctor so often. I am starting to feel like they just are trying to suck me dry. Or at least the insurance company dry. I hate this calling them, calling the insurance company, calling the doctors I get referred to, and waiting on them all to call me back. They never do. And then I end up wasting time and money and feeling worse cause I am stressing about it all.

I hate doctors.