Dear Ryan,
I am really glad that you and I are sort of friends now. When we parted I was certain we would be. Mostly because I was angry. I wasn't even all that angry with you really for dumping me, over aim I might add.I was more angry cause I had known that we had been over for 4 months. I had just not wanted to admit it. We had returned to school and despite my frequent tries to see you, you were always busy. I should have known what that I meant. But I didn't. Probably because when I did see you, everything was the same as it always was. You were trying to push me just a little farther and I was not letting you. I wasn't in love with you.
I didn't tell you tat at the time. I mean, I did love you. You had been my best friend since first grade. We had ridden the bus everyday together before I moved. I just wasn't in love with you. I couldn't be. I was still trying to run away.
I was angry with myself after we were over because I hadn't loved you and I knew it but I let you use me and I used you a little back. I needed you. Not in the physical way you wanted me too though. I needed you to make me think I felt safe again and that everything was god again. That everything in my life was normal again. I was a wreck after Isaac. And I didn't realize how bad it was. I realize it now though. I guess the cliche, "hind sight is 20/20" is dead on.
I can't say that I am sorry for how things worked out though. I think we have both realized that we are better as friends. I like that. Thanks for being my friend.
Your Friend,
Dani
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Day # 6 To a Stranger
(I missed a day, I know. I had to work yesterday and unfortunately they are doing this thing where they close an hour later this week so I didn't get home till late and then I had homework. I think I have been doing pretty good though.)
Dear Stranger,
I don't know you and you don't know me. That is made clear by the term stranger. But I would like to think that when you see me you see a fellow human being. One with a past filled with rich experiences, experiences that you may or may not be able to relate to. But experiences altogether different than yours. I hope that you can respect these differences. I wish you could respect me because I am human. Because I live and breathe and love in much the same way that you do.
I hope that you can respect other people who are even more different from you than I am. I doubt it though. See, that is what is missing in the world. Respect and understanding for others who are different than ourselves. I wish it was different.
I have met you dear stranger. It was last year, right before the big state elections. Everyone here was hyped up about question 1. Should we be the first state in the union to actually vote for gay marriage or would we be like many other states who have shot the idea down? You were against. I was for. You were handing out fliers. I was respectful of you and your opinion even though I didn't agree. I took the handout, thanked you for your opinion and then threw it away when you weren't looking. I had already made my decision. I would respect the gay communities right to the pursuit of happiness. I would vote for gay marriage.
Maybe your experiences were different from mine. I had been raised knowing that gay people are the same as you and me. They just love a little bit differently.
Respectful yours,
Dani
Dear Stranger,
I don't know you and you don't know me. That is made clear by the term stranger. But I would like to think that when you see me you see a fellow human being. One with a past filled with rich experiences, experiences that you may or may not be able to relate to. But experiences altogether different than yours. I hope that you can respect these differences. I wish you could respect me because I am human. Because I live and breathe and love in much the same way that you do.
I hope that you can respect other people who are even more different from you than I am. I doubt it though. See, that is what is missing in the world. Respect and understanding for others who are different than ourselves. I wish it was different.
I have met you dear stranger. It was last year, right before the big state elections. Everyone here was hyped up about question 1. Should we be the first state in the union to actually vote for gay marriage or would we be like many other states who have shot the idea down? You were against. I was for. You were handing out fliers. I was respectful of you and your opinion even though I didn't agree. I took the handout, thanked you for your opinion and then threw it away when you weren't looking. I had already made my decision. I would respect the gay communities right to the pursuit of happiness. I would vote for gay marriage.
Maybe your experiences were different from mine. I had been raised knowing that gay people are the same as you and me. They just love a little bit differently.
Respectful yours,
Dani
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day #5 My Dreams
Dear Dreams,
Thanks for keeping me company all these years. You have been a constant friend. When I have been down and afraid I won't make it through you have pushed me forward. I think it is important for people to have a dream. Something they are passionate about to work towards. It keeps them going and makes there life worth something. I just wish you didn't seem so elusive.
When I was little I first wanted to be a doctor, a ballerina, a lawyer, or a veterinarian. I wanted to go to Harvard, I wanted to cure cancer, I wanted to wow and amaze. As I got older my dreams got to be less far fetched. I knew I didn't really like science. I knew I liked math and was good at it but I wouldn't want to spend every day doing it. I knew I loved English. I think that is how most dreams begin. We start to realize that they will only last and sustain us if we find something we truly love. Books were like breathing for me. I decided to be an English teacher. It was a long road to deciding what kind of teacher I wanted to be, who I wanted to teach and what exactly I would teach but I have it figured out now. I managed to cling to this dream and it gets closer and closer every day to becoming my reality.
It has been a hard journey for us, me and my dreams, though. We have had to learn what it means to really work hard. To really be exhausted. To really not see the end of the ever stacking list of problems in front of us. There have been so many roadblocks along the way but there have been even more helping hands.
This letter though isn't about the road blocks or the helping hands. This letter is in homage to my dreams. This letter is a thank you for keeping me strong. This letter is to say I can make my dreams come true.
"Reach for the moon because even if you miss you will land among the stars"
Dani
Thanks for keeping me company all these years. You have been a constant friend. When I have been down and afraid I won't make it through you have pushed me forward. I think it is important for people to have a dream. Something they are passionate about to work towards. It keeps them going and makes there life worth something. I just wish you didn't seem so elusive.
When I was little I first wanted to be a doctor, a ballerina, a lawyer, or a veterinarian. I wanted to go to Harvard, I wanted to cure cancer, I wanted to wow and amaze. As I got older my dreams got to be less far fetched. I knew I didn't really like science. I knew I liked math and was good at it but I wouldn't want to spend every day doing it. I knew I loved English. I think that is how most dreams begin. We start to realize that they will only last and sustain us if we find something we truly love. Books were like breathing for me. I decided to be an English teacher. It was a long road to deciding what kind of teacher I wanted to be, who I wanted to teach and what exactly I would teach but I have it figured out now. I managed to cling to this dream and it gets closer and closer every day to becoming my reality.
It has been a hard journey for us, me and my dreams, though. We have had to learn what it means to really work hard. To really be exhausted. To really not see the end of the ever stacking list of problems in front of us. There have been so many roadblocks along the way but there have been even more helping hands.
This letter though isn't about the road blocks or the helping hands. This letter is in homage to my dreams. This letter is a thank you for keeping me strong. This letter is to say I can make my dreams come true.
"Reach for the moon because even if you miss you will land among the stars"
Dani
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day #4 My Siblings
Dear Nick, Jamie and Jason,
My 3 little brothers. Well, Nick isn't so little anymore and it won't be long now till I can't call Jamie and Jason little either. You are all growing up so quickly.
Nick,
I love you. I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you. I can't believe that you are finally out on your own making your own way in life. I can't believe that you have your own apartment and are in college already. I remember when I was the one driving you around everywhere and now you are the one driving me around! Well sometimes anyway. I miss you a lot. It is hard not to miss my partner in crime. We have always been very close. And before I went off to college we did just about everything together. It is hard to no longer have a friend around who I can hang out with all the time. I hope that you continue to do well in school and at work. I hope all of your dreams will come true for you.
Jamie,
I love you. I can't believe how much you have grown. I remember holding you in my arms right after you were born. I remember helping feed you, watch you and change you. I remember when you finally learned to get up the stairs you would crawl up them and sneak into my room to wake me up. I remember when my room moved downstairs that it became even easier for you to wake me up. I remember when you started school. You are so smart, and such a good kid Jamie. I hope that continues as you get older. I hope that you take advantage of that to really make something of yourself. I hope you know that no matter what happens we will always be proud of you.
Jason,
I love you. You are only 3 so it will probably be a long time before you read this, if you ever do. And probably an even longer time before you understand it. That time won't feel that long for you. I can't believe that you are already 3 years old and will be 4 in March. That isn't all that far away now. I remember when you were born too. I remember holding you and looking at your little toes. I fed and baby sat you and changed you too. You are so silly now. You are so much more active and playful. I hope that doesn't get you in trouble in school, but it probably will. When it does, just remember that there is nothing wrong with being you. No matter who tells you otherwise. You are a very sweet boy when you want to be and I know you have a good heart. That is what really matters.
I Love You Three to the Moon and Back Again
Dani
My 3 little brothers. Well, Nick isn't so little anymore and it won't be long now till I can't call Jamie and Jason little either. You are all growing up so quickly.
Nick,
I love you. I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you. I can't believe that you are finally out on your own making your own way in life. I can't believe that you have your own apartment and are in college already. I remember when I was the one driving you around everywhere and now you are the one driving me around! Well sometimes anyway. I miss you a lot. It is hard not to miss my partner in crime. We have always been very close. And before I went off to college we did just about everything together. It is hard to no longer have a friend around who I can hang out with all the time. I hope that you continue to do well in school and at work. I hope all of your dreams will come true for you.
Jamie,
I love you. I can't believe how much you have grown. I remember holding you in my arms right after you were born. I remember helping feed you, watch you and change you. I remember when you finally learned to get up the stairs you would crawl up them and sneak into my room to wake me up. I remember when my room moved downstairs that it became even easier for you to wake me up. I remember when you started school. You are so smart, and such a good kid Jamie. I hope that continues as you get older. I hope that you take advantage of that to really make something of yourself. I hope you know that no matter what happens we will always be proud of you.
Jason,
I love you. You are only 3 so it will probably be a long time before you read this, if you ever do. And probably an even longer time before you understand it. That time won't feel that long for you. I can't believe that you are already 3 years old and will be 4 in March. That isn't all that far away now. I remember when you were born too. I remember holding you and looking at your little toes. I fed and baby sat you and changed you too. You are so silly now. You are so much more active and playful. I hope that doesn't get you in trouble in school, but it probably will. When it does, just remember that there is nothing wrong with being you. No matter who tells you otherwise. You are a very sweet boy when you want to be and I know you have a good heart. That is what really matters.
I Love You Three to the Moon and Back Again
Dani
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day #3 My Parents
Dear Mom, Dad, Kelly and David,
This is going to be a long letter. How does a person go about writing a letter to their 4 parents?? Well, here we go.
Mom,
I love you very much. I want to thank you for showing me how to save money and spend wisely. For teaching me how to make my own way in the world. For showing me the value of a good book and a good education. Thank you for showing me the outlet that keeps me sane, writing. Thank you for teaching my that hate comes from ignorance and teaching me to not be ignorant. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a truly compassionate person. I am not really sure who I would be if you weren't my mom.
Dad,
I love you very much. I hope you know that. I am sorry that I don't see you as often as I would like too. Please know that I think of you often in the little things that I do. I can't make peanut butter brownies without thinking of the many times you and I made them together late at night. Thank you for being the type of dad who lets me have my own life. Thank you for showing me the value of hard work. Thank you for understanding how important my independence is and for allowing me to have it.
Kelly,
I love you very much. I am sorry I was such a brat when I was little. Thank you for understanding that I was simply hurt, angry and confused by all the changes that were going on in my life when you first came into it. Thank you for giving me time to get used to the idea of having you around. Thanks for not trying to be another mom to me but rather an adult friend who I could confide in and look up to. Thanks for understanding that was what I needed. I appreciate all that you have done for me. The shopping trips, the late night sleepovers with my friends you supervised, doing my hair and later my make-up, taking my senior pictures, just being there for me and so much more. I am glad that you now have two kids that are really your own to make you want to pull your hair out. They are both beautiful and I could not love them more if they were my full brothers. Thanks for bring them into my life.
David,
I love you very much. You are the only man that has ever come into my mom's life that has made her truly happy and for that more than anything else I will always be eternally grateful to you. I am so happy that you are there with her especially now that her babies have grown up and gone their separate ways. I know she will appreciate the company. I can think of no one better to be my step-dad. Thank you for taking care of me like I was your own daughter. Thank you for all the advice and for all the car repairs. I do take it all very seriously even if I don't always do as you tell me to. I know that I should. Please know that even though you were the last parent to come into my life that does not mean that I love you any less. There is always room in my life and in my heart for you too.
The 4 of you almost never get along. It seems to me that you spend most of your time fighting despite the fact you live so far apart and despite the fact that you all want the same thing; what is best for Nick and me. I love you all despite your differences. You have all helped to shape the person that I am. I hope you know that I would not be me without every single one of you in my life. I hope that when you fight, you remember that.
Love You All to the Moon and Back Again
Dani
This is going to be a long letter. How does a person go about writing a letter to their 4 parents?? Well, here we go.
Mom,
I love you very much. I want to thank you for showing me how to save money and spend wisely. For teaching me how to make my own way in the world. For showing me the value of a good book and a good education. Thank you for showing me the outlet that keeps me sane, writing. Thank you for teaching my that hate comes from ignorance and teaching me to not be ignorant. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a truly compassionate person. I am not really sure who I would be if you weren't my mom.
Dad,
I love you very much. I hope you know that. I am sorry that I don't see you as often as I would like too. Please know that I think of you often in the little things that I do. I can't make peanut butter brownies without thinking of the many times you and I made them together late at night. Thank you for being the type of dad who lets me have my own life. Thank you for showing me the value of hard work. Thank you for understanding how important my independence is and for allowing me to have it.
Kelly,
I love you very much. I am sorry I was such a brat when I was little. Thank you for understanding that I was simply hurt, angry and confused by all the changes that were going on in my life when you first came into it. Thank you for giving me time to get used to the idea of having you around. Thanks for not trying to be another mom to me but rather an adult friend who I could confide in and look up to. Thanks for understanding that was what I needed. I appreciate all that you have done for me. The shopping trips, the late night sleepovers with my friends you supervised, doing my hair and later my make-up, taking my senior pictures, just being there for me and so much more. I am glad that you now have two kids that are really your own to make you want to pull your hair out. They are both beautiful and I could not love them more if they were my full brothers. Thanks for bring them into my life.
David,
I love you very much. You are the only man that has ever come into my mom's life that has made her truly happy and for that more than anything else I will always be eternally grateful to you. I am so happy that you are there with her especially now that her babies have grown up and gone their separate ways. I know she will appreciate the company. I can think of no one better to be my step-dad. Thank you for taking care of me like I was your own daughter. Thank you for all the advice and for all the car repairs. I do take it all very seriously even if I don't always do as you tell me to. I know that I should. Please know that even though you were the last parent to come into my life that does not mean that I love you any less. There is always room in my life and in my heart for you too.
The 4 of you almost never get along. It seems to me that you spend most of your time fighting despite the fact you live so far apart and despite the fact that you all want the same thing; what is best for Nick and me. I love you all despite your differences. You have all helped to shape the person that I am. I hope you know that I would not be me without every single one of you in my life. I hope that when you fight, you remember that.
Love You All to the Moon and Back Again
Dani
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day #2 My Crush
Dear Crush,
I have liked you for a very long time. Close to 4 years. I can still remember the day I met you. It was probably the most awkward situation that I had been in in a long time. You were my exes best friend (or so he told me repeatedly) and you and I shared all the same friends but we had never really talked before. I had no idea what kind of preconceived notions about me you might have or if you and I would get along. I remember that first conversation. I remember laughing till there were tears. I knew that at the very least, you were someone I could have fun with.
I remember passing notes, then talking on aim and then that spiraling into emails back and forth. I don't remember the exact day that I realized I had feelings for you but I do remember the day I realized it could happen if I wasn't careful. we had spent all night talking online about risks. What risks we should take, was it ever really worth it take any risks at all and if it was then when. we talked about the idea that there could be no happiness, no triumph without the possibility of failure. I don't think I had ever had a more deep, personal and meaningful philosophical discussion in my life. At least not with any one that I could hold my end with. not with any one that could keep up with me. Our intellects were well matched. I went to bed smiling that night, imagining the conversations we could have in the future. I knew a boy that could make me smile that much just by talking to me about life was someone I could fall in love with.
Sometimes my descent into complete helpless love for seems like it was a slow fall. But it certainly snuck up on me as a surprise. By the time we had known each other for 2 months I was already making excuses to friends and family about why you and I were just friends. Maybe I really knew all along and I was just hiding it from myself. I'm not really sure.
What I do know for sure though is that know, even after being with you for almost 4 years I am still hopelessly and madly in love with you. I have fallen for you utterly and completely.
Love Always
Dani
I have liked you for a very long time. Close to 4 years. I can still remember the day I met you. It was probably the most awkward situation that I had been in in a long time. You were my exes best friend (or so he told me repeatedly) and you and I shared all the same friends but we had never really talked before. I had no idea what kind of preconceived notions about me you might have or if you and I would get along. I remember that first conversation. I remember laughing till there were tears. I knew that at the very least, you were someone I could have fun with.
I remember passing notes, then talking on aim and then that spiraling into emails back and forth. I don't remember the exact day that I realized I had feelings for you but I do remember the day I realized it could happen if I wasn't careful. we had spent all night talking online about risks. What risks we should take, was it ever really worth it take any risks at all and if it was then when. we talked about the idea that there could be no happiness, no triumph without the possibility of failure. I don't think I had ever had a more deep, personal and meaningful philosophical discussion in my life. At least not with any one that I could hold my end with. not with any one that could keep up with me. Our intellects were well matched. I went to bed smiling that night, imagining the conversations we could have in the future. I knew a boy that could make me smile that much just by talking to me about life was someone I could fall in love with.
Sometimes my descent into complete helpless love for seems like it was a slow fall. But it certainly snuck up on me as a surprise. By the time we had known each other for 2 months I was already making excuses to friends and family about why you and I were just friends. Maybe I really knew all along and I was just hiding it from myself. I'm not really sure.
What I do know for sure though is that know, even after being with you for almost 4 years I am still hopelessly and madly in love with you. I have fallen for you utterly and completely.
Love Always
Dani
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Day # 1 My Best Friend
Dear Alice,
Yeah, after all this time you are still my best friend. We don't talk as much as I would like and we see each other maybe a few times a year but for some reason that doesn't matter. Whenever we get back together we pick up right where we left off. We can still finish each other's thoughts. we an still make each other laugh until we cry. And we can still talk all day and night long without being bored. Most important though is that there have been no times in our lives when we haven't been there for each other. Ever since 8th grade at Chelsea school we have been friends. We have supported and loved each other. Even when we didn't agree or like the choices the other was making.
You were there at the football game when I first realized something was wrong with my relationship with Isaac. And I was there when your last boyfriend was showing all the signs of being a jerk. I am here now too. I wish I could tell you that I worry about you and why.
I worry because you dropped out of school. I know it was expensive and you couldn't afford vet school. There had to be some way you could have continued going though. I worry because of Jeremy. I know you trust him but I don't. He has proven in every past relationship that he can't be trusted and that makes me worry about you, about your heart. I worry about your future. I hope you will not be stuck working at AC More and place like it your whole life. I want you to fulfill your dream of being a vet. I know it seems unrealistic but it only becomes more unrealistic the more you put off working towards it. I want you to be with a boy that gives you no reason to worry, who takes away all of your worries. I want you to have a job you love, a man you love and a life you love.
You seem to be so angry and frustrated when we talk. I wish you could see that the stupid girls, and their drama would go away if you let the cause of the drama go. Jeremy is the reason all that drama is in your life. I know you can do better. I know you deserve better. I wish he could be the man you think he can be but I just don't see it. And the proof is in front of your eyes. It is why those girls lurk around waiting for you two to end so they can sweep in.
I love you Alice Casey. You are my best friend. I hope someday you find everything you are looking for.
Love,
Dani
Yeah, after all this time you are still my best friend. We don't talk as much as I would like and we see each other maybe a few times a year but for some reason that doesn't matter. Whenever we get back together we pick up right where we left off. We can still finish each other's thoughts. we an still make each other laugh until we cry. And we can still talk all day and night long without being bored. Most important though is that there have been no times in our lives when we haven't been there for each other. Ever since 8th grade at Chelsea school we have been friends. We have supported and loved each other. Even when we didn't agree or like the choices the other was making.
You were there at the football game when I first realized something was wrong with my relationship with Isaac. And I was there when your last boyfriend was showing all the signs of being a jerk. I am here now too. I wish I could tell you that I worry about you and why.
I worry because you dropped out of school. I know it was expensive and you couldn't afford vet school. There had to be some way you could have continued going though. I worry because of Jeremy. I know you trust him but I don't. He has proven in every past relationship that he can't be trusted and that makes me worry about you, about your heart. I worry about your future. I hope you will not be stuck working at AC More and place like it your whole life. I want you to fulfill your dream of being a vet. I know it seems unrealistic but it only becomes more unrealistic the more you put off working towards it. I want you to be with a boy that gives you no reason to worry, who takes away all of your worries. I want you to have a job you love, a man you love and a life you love.
You seem to be so angry and frustrated when we talk. I wish you could see that the stupid girls, and their drama would go away if you let the cause of the drama go. Jeremy is the reason all that drama is in your life. I know you can do better. I know you deserve better. I wish he could be the man you think he can be but I just don't see it. And the proof is in front of your eyes. It is why those girls lurk around waiting for you two to end so they can sweep in.
I love you Alice Casey. You are my best friend. I hope someday you find everything you are looking for.
Love,
Dani
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