The Quiet

I am just plain tired. I feel like I spend a little too much time taking care of my friends, my family, my cat, my work, my school work and my students. I lost a boyfriend but somehow the load doesn't feel all that lighter. Maybe it is time to really start thinking about me. Maybe it is time to be a hermit. At least for a little while. My apartment is nice and relaxing. I can just stay in, do school work and not worry about anything but my life for a while. That might be nice. And quiet. I need to learn to be lonely. I spend so much time surrounded by people. The last day I remember when I was completely alone all day and enjoyed it was the snow where I wrote my CFA for school.

Yeah, it's time. More days like that.

Writing is About Feeling

Every time I put pen to paper
I open up another vein
and bleed my life's blood
onto the page.

I can't write about you.
I can't write
without opening up the scars.
The scars you put there.
Those ones I want to
believe are healed over.

Writing is about digging deeep
for that pain,
for that happiness.

Writing is about feeling.
And I don't want to feel you there
anymore.

Well Today Was Great

I have been having a run of bad luck. I am hoping it is over now. It started yesterday with the ice and snow storm. This caused school to be canceled thus delaying my teacher work sample even more. Then last night around 5:30 my power went out. No electricity, no heat and no water. I decided to go to a friend's to wait till the power came on. I got the car all deiced only to discover that I couldn't back out of the parking spot. It was stuck. So I spent my night at home, alone with the cat, in the dark. The power wasn't restored until 4 am. Then this morning I got up and tried the car again. It was all iced over again. I bent my car key trying to pry open the driver side door. I ended up crawling in through the passenger side. But of course I still couldn't get the car out. I had to call the other student teachers to see if they could get their cars out. Kim couldn't. Ted could. So we were a little late getting to school this morning cause we had to wait for Ted to get the snow and ice off his car. Then when I did get to school I couldn't get the printers to work for me. Then I had to leave school early today to go to seminar which I almost never enjoy. Then after seminar I tried the car again. I ended up flooding the engine so it wouldn't start anymore. Mom and David said to let it sit for a bit and try it again. I went inside and did some school work and made myself some dinner. I tried this new frozen meal thing. It was gross. So after spending 30 minutes cooking it I threw it out. I then had chef boyardee for supper. I got the car to start again but still no movement. I then called a friend and he came over to help me try to push it out. That didn't work. I called the landlord and he is supposed to come over with some sand to see if we can't get it out. He is going to call me when he gets here. He isn't here yet. Pretty sure he has forgotten all about me. What do I do now? Tomorrow has got to be better, right?

Over the Edge

As she raced away from the ground and back towards the cliff a gentle smile touched her features.

She flew among the clouds for a while enjoying her new freedom but she knew that inevitably she would need to return to the ground, to the cliff and the gentle voice that cooed to her about falling. Gently and slowly she angled herself back towards that cliff, dreading the moment when the sensation of flight would end. The moment when her feet touched the ground again came all too soon for her.
It was there that she saw who the voice belonged to. It was indeed the voice of an old friend and there he stood at the edge of the cliff looking down like he was searching for her ruined body at the bottom.

“Hello, friend” she said from behind him. He seemed slightly startled to hear her voice coming from behind him as he whipped around quickly to face her.

“Hello. I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon.”

“No, I don’t imagine you were. After all, you were the one who convinced me to jump.” A small smirk appeared on his mouth. He knew he could no longer deny that it had been he whispering in her ear about jumping. He also knew that she knew he had expected her to fail.

“I see you found your wings.”

“Of course I did. Too bad you don’t have a pair of your own.” And without a word more she rushed at him across the cliff. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him, one over his left shoulder and the other hooked under his right armpit. She used her feet and her wings to overpower him, forcing them both back over the edge of the cliff.

This Will Make It Into a Story Some Day

"Don't worry, baby. I'll be the one to lead you out of the darkness."

What I Needed

I have been trying to keep teaching away from this blog. However, I realized the title of this blog is still "Of Love, Life, Writing and Everything in Between." Whether I like it or not, teaching is all of the above. It is currently the thing I love the most about my life. It currently is my life. I live, sleep and breathe it every day. Even when I am not in the classroom I am thinking about it or talking about it. I am writing about it every day on my other blog and in reflections I am doing for my field supervisor. I am sure it is in all of my conversations, my facebook statuses and every other aspect of my life. When something permeates your being so completely it is hard to keep it out of anything. Teaching has been everything I hoped for and more. It has made me happy again. It is truly the most fun thing I have ever done. I am more exhausted than ever, I am more uncertain about everything I am doing every day and yet I am sure that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am so happy that I didn't let things going on in my love life derail me. I am so glad that I didn't take time to back away from school like I had thought about doing. This is what I needed.

Single on Valentine's Day

So this is the first time that I will be single on Valentine's Day in a very long time. At first this fact was very depressing. But I have come up with some plans to cheer myself up. First, I made my mentor teacher a cake as Valentine's Day is her birthday. I am letting it cool now before I frost it. It is Red Velvet and it is going to have cream cheese frosting. Yum. It will be a great way to surprise her. Next, I made plans to go out to eat in Augusta with Mel and Ernie. The three of us are going to get dressed up and have a wonderful time not caring about Valentine's Day. Then last but not least I decided to not focus on what I am not getting and to focus on what others are not getting. I have these three guy friends at Staples who I know are probably not getting anything for Valentine's Day. The three of us have kind of been having a crappy time in the love department of our lives. I decided to surprise the with a small gift from me. I bought them each a ten dollar gift card to subway, then I wrote them a note from me thanking them for being such awesome friends. I put them in envelopes with their names on them. I am going to leave them for them at Staples tomorrow. The three of them are really good guys and they deserve to be treated better than they have been. I hope that this shows them that at least one girl out there cares. I know I will probably not get anything in return but I don't want anything. I know how crappy it feels to watch all the couples around you celebrate Valentine's Day. I just want to make it a little bit better for them. Besides, who ever said the day had to be just for lovers? Why can't it also be for great friends?