Garret keeps telling me that I need to let my anger at Tim and Amy go. He is right. There is no good reason to hold on to it. But I have been angry for a very long time. The other day I think I realized why. I am very tired of letting people tell me that I am not good enough. I think I am angry not because Amy makes me feel like I'm not good enough but because sometimes I believe it. But I'm done with that. Garret is right. I need to let go of some of this anger. I'm good enough. I have proven it and I continue to prove it every day of my life. I have overcome enough in my life to know that. I come from a family without college graduates. family with few high school graduates. And yet here I am. I have graduated high school and I am attending college. I have been successful. I am halfway through my third year. I get good grades and I love what I am studying. I am a good person. Despite my feelings of anger I didn't act on them. Over and over again I had opportunities to act on my anger and I didn't. I had help of course but I did it. There weren't always other people around. I could have acted on them. I am a good friend to the people in my life who mean something to me. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have a successful relationship.
I am beautiful, I am compassionate, I am intelligent, I am passionate. I am a good teacher, a good student, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good girlfriend and a good person.
I am enough. I will not let anyone tell me I'm not anymore. I will not let anyone make me believe I am not good enough ever again.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day Off #2
It is 1:40 am on December 28th. But I haven't gone to bed yet so of course I am still thinking like today is Sunday, December 27th. It has been a very good day. I woke up around noon, made cinnamon rolls in the oven and curled up on my couch with a blanket, a pillow and a good book. I read till about 2 and then wasted my time on the internet. At 3 Garret got up and asked me to cuddle. I love laying in bed with him and cuddling in the morning. It is so intimate. Everything is so soft, warm and good smelling. We cuddled until about 4 when I demanded that he get up because he was clearly trying to continue to sleep and in the process putting me back to sleep. I was determined to fix my sleep schedule after waking up Saturday at 3 pm and not going to sleep that night until 5 am. I am pretty sure that I needed the 14 hours of sleep I got Saturday but I need to be able to awake up at 11 on Monday since I have to return to work.
Anyway, after I got Garret up and dressed we watched a couple episodes of House before going to the Harvest House for food. Then when we got back I played around on the computer putting more music on my Ipod while he played Wii. We have pretty much spent today a lot like we spent yesterday. Hanging out and relaxing. It is much more enjoyable than the 9 days in a row I spent at work I can tell you that right now.
I'm not so sure I am ready to go back to work even though I know I will have to eventually. I have been hearing that a lot of people are leaving. Zack is being deployed. Shana is changing jobs. I guess Amanda and Ember have either found new jobs or are looking and Andy mentioned looking for a new job. All of my favorite people are leaving. It is going to be a very different place once they are all gone. Not to mention the amount of extra hours I will be working to make up for the fact that we are losing employees again. I left them a note asking them to work me Wednesdays, Fridays and weekends once the semester starts. I hope they read it and take it seriously. I have 3 English classes next semester and I know two was hard this semester. There is a lot of reading involved when you are taking two English classes and two education classes. Now I will be taking three English classes and an Education class. The English classes tend to be heavier on reading than the Ed classes. At least the third English is writing poetry. Maybe there won't be as much reading? My point here is that reading is hard to do if the time to do it in isn't there and if I am working a lot it might be difficult to get the reading done.
This is obviously no time to be worrying about that now though. I think I am going to end this entry here and just continue to bask in how awesome my day off has been. I hope there are more days like this over my break so that I don't go crazy or get too tired before school starts again. I like being well-rested.
Anyway, after I got Garret up and dressed we watched a couple episodes of House before going to the Harvest House for food. Then when we got back I played around on the computer putting more music on my Ipod while he played Wii. We have pretty much spent today a lot like we spent yesterday. Hanging out and relaxing. It is much more enjoyable than the 9 days in a row I spent at work I can tell you that right now.
I'm not so sure I am ready to go back to work even though I know I will have to eventually. I have been hearing that a lot of people are leaving. Zack is being deployed. Shana is changing jobs. I guess Amanda and Ember have either found new jobs or are looking and Andy mentioned looking for a new job. All of my favorite people are leaving. It is going to be a very different place once they are all gone. Not to mention the amount of extra hours I will be working to make up for the fact that we are losing employees again. I left them a note asking them to work me Wednesdays, Fridays and weekends once the semester starts. I hope they read it and take it seriously. I have 3 English classes next semester and I know two was hard this semester. There is a lot of reading involved when you are taking two English classes and two education classes. Now I will be taking three English classes and an Education class. The English classes tend to be heavier on reading than the Ed classes. At least the third English is writing poetry. Maybe there won't be as much reading? My point here is that reading is hard to do if the time to do it in isn't there and if I am working a lot it might be difficult to get the reading done.
This is obviously no time to be worrying about that now though. I think I am going to end this entry here and just continue to bask in how awesome my day off has been. I hope there are more days like this over my break so that I don't go crazy or get too tired before school starts again. I like being well-rested.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas and Anniversary
Today is Saturday and I have done pretty much nothing all day. And it feels absolutely wonderful! Yesterday was my first day off after working 9 days in a row at Staples. I have been too tired to do anything but sleep thus why I haven't done much writing lately. I enjoyed having yesterday off but it was of course a lot of family stuff and I still had to wake up early to open presents.
I had such a good Christmas. I was woken up by Nick around 8:30 and we opened presents at about 9. I got an Ipod! I was very excited despite having told mom not to get me one. I am happy to have it. I also got new clothes and accessories for the Ipod and much more. I had a ton of stuff to drag home with me that night. After opening presents I spent the day putting music on my Ipod before having supper and then going to the movies to see Sherlock Holmes with Nick and Garret. It was a pretty good movie. I would give it a 7 out of 10. Solid. And funny. After that Garret and I went home to celebrate out 3 year anniversary together and open our presents from each other. He did an excellent job. He got me a season of House, a gift card to the Harvest House and a beautiful necklace. I'll post a picture of it so no worries there dear readers. We spent the rest of the night relaxing, enjoying our gifts and gorging ourselves on the many sweets our families sent home with us.
We went to bed at around 1 am or at least I did. Garret didn't go to bed until like 3 or 4. Then we slept in today until 3 in the afternoon. I have been so tired the last few days that it felt amazing to waste most of my day sleeping. So far today we have eaten supper, done a load of laundry, put away most of our gifts, put away the clothes we washed last weekend that have been waiting for us to pick them up, took the trash out(there was a lot of it!, watched House, Garret has played Wii and I have been online posting pictures, editing Mel's story and writing this. Not a very busy day. A rather fun and relaxing day overall. I hope the rest of the day is as nice.
Tomorrow should be good too since I don't have to work till Monday. This is awesome!!
I had such a good Christmas. I was woken up by Nick around 8:30 and we opened presents at about 9. I got an Ipod! I was very excited despite having told mom not to get me one. I am happy to have it. I also got new clothes and accessories for the Ipod and much more. I had a ton of stuff to drag home with me that night. After opening presents I spent the day putting music on my Ipod before having supper and then going to the movies to see Sherlock Holmes with Nick and Garret. It was a pretty good movie. I would give it a 7 out of 10. Solid. And funny. After that Garret and I went home to celebrate out 3 year anniversary together and open our presents from each other. He did an excellent job. He got me a season of House, a gift card to the Harvest House and a beautiful necklace. I'll post a picture of it so no worries there dear readers. We spent the rest of the night relaxing, enjoying our gifts and gorging ourselves on the many sweets our families sent home with us.
We went to bed at around 1 am or at least I did. Garret didn't go to bed until like 3 or 4. Then we slept in today until 3 in the afternoon. I have been so tired the last few days that it felt amazing to waste most of my day sleeping. So far today we have eaten supper, done a load of laundry, put away most of our gifts, put away the clothes we washed last weekend that have been waiting for us to pick them up, took the trash out(there was a lot of it!, watched House, Garret has played Wii and I have been online posting pictures, editing Mel's story and writing this. Not a very busy day. A rather fun and relaxing day overall. I hope the rest of the day is as nice.
Tomorrow should be good too since I don't have to work till Monday. This is awesome!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Visiting
It is Tuesday night and I am at my dad's. I just opened presents and hung out with my family here. It was great to see them all. I missed them. I wish I could visit more often and for longer. I have to start finding more opportunities to get here even if dad and Kelly are working for most of the time that I am here. It is just not fair or right to not visit.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Not a Real Post
I know I haven't written a new post in forever. I would write a real post tonight but I have to pack and wrap gifts for tomorrow. I am going to work from 8-4 and then I am driving to my dad's to visit for the night. Then it is back Wednesday so I can work from 2-10. I am so tired. I hope that I can make it through the next 3 work days without collapsing. No guarantees!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Will Life Ever Not Be Busy?
I haven't been home much the last couple of days which is why I haven't written a post. I had finals due Tuesday and then a doctor's appointment and Christmas shopping to finish. Very close to being finished with that. Just my step-dad left. Woo! Also very close to having a less crowded apartment. Yay! Plus I will be able to put up Christmas decorations soon. I would have put them up already but Garret suggested that I wait. It is probably a good idea.
I have to work a lot the next few days. A lot a lot. I am looking at a nine day stretch. All eight hour days pretty much and no days off until Christmas. I am tired just thinking about it. At least I'll be making some good money. Right? I think I am going to go shower now and get to bed. I'm tired and I have work again tomorrow.
I have to work a lot the next few days. A lot a lot. I am looking at a nine day stretch. All eight hour days pretty much and no days off until Christmas. I am tired just thinking about it. At least I'll be making some good money. Right? I think I am going to go shower now and get to bed. I'm tired and I have work again tomorrow.
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