Lonely

Playing Free cell to try and keep my mind off you isn't working. Going to take some stuff to knock me out and go to bed. What I really need these days is a distraction at night to keep me from missing you, to keep me from thinking about how quiet it is without you. And to keep me from wondering if you and her are talking long into the night like we used to. I hate missing you.

I am Single

I would like to inform you all that I am single and that two weeks after dumping me, Garret is now seeing Jennie Babb. Is this public enough for you Jennie? Thought about posting this on Facebook but I see you already did that. Thanks.

My First Christmas Being Single

I made it through my first Christmas without you and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. As much as I loved you and as much as I used to think of this as our holiday I find myself glad you're not here. There is no pressure to leave so that we can have our time together. There are no worries about leaving my family too soon or too late. No worries about where I will spend the day or when I will see you. Its just me and Chloe now. And she is happy to be wherever I am.

Never Again

He is seeing someone else and no matter how hard I try I can't convince myself to be ok with this. I can't believe that two weeks after dumping me he is seeing someone else. I can't believe that they posted it on facebook. Maybe they didn't mean to rub it in my face but they are. I hate their bullshit about how sorry they are that they are hurting me. They don't give one little bit about me. I wish they would stop lying to me and to themselves. Neither of them ever cared about me. I can't believe that when I asked him if there was another girl that he said no. I hate the lies. All of them.

The lies about how he would always love me and wouldn't ever be the one to end things. The lies about how he still love me. Obviously you don't because you're seeing someone else. Why couldn't you just stick it out with me? So what if some day in the future you resent me? That means we could have had years longer together. And you took that from me. I guess you just didn't feel that way about me anymore.

I hope you're happy because I am done. I am done with you and your lies. I am done with compromising to make you happy. You asked me to change my facebook status to nothing even though I wanted it to be single. I did it cause I still loved you and it seemed important to you. But she wants to put that you two are in a relationship and thats fine? Why are her feeling more important than mine if you ever cared for me at all? I compromised yet again. Screw that.

No more. I'm not doing anything for you ever again.

Not the One

When you held me
And said I was the one
I guess you didn’t mean the same thing I did.
When I said it to you
I don’t think you knew what you were getting.

I am
Wild
Passionate
Kind
Fun
Life-loving

I wanted
To travel
To see the world
To teach
To love my students
To perform
To share this with someone
To have children
And a home.

I compromised
All of this for you
But it just wasn’t enough
To keep you.

Well good riddance then.

I don’t want me either
If I have to be the girl I was
After all the compromising was done.

I want to be me.
I want the world.
I want life.
I want to take it all in
And drink it all up.
I want to experience it all
With everything I have.

I hope you find what you are looking for
Because I am obviously not it.

Flight

She fell. The wind was roaring in her ears and with her eyes wide open she could see the colors of the rocks flashing by her as gravity took her completely in its grasp. She wasn’t sure how long she fell for, it felt like forever but as she fell something changed. Her racing heart slowed, she felt a sense of calm come over her. Her mind emptied of the thoughts that had been demanding her attention. Time went by but her fall seemed to slow until she stopped. She looked down and saw herself suspended in the air still feet from the bottom where she had been anticipating her doom. She looked up and saw wings. Green transparent wings had sprouted from her back. She was flying. She hovered there a moment enjoying the sensation of flight. Then slowly she stretched her arms towards the heavens and away into skies that were hung heavy with rain clouds.

Since You've Been Gone

Since you’ve been gone
I have hurt more than I thought possible.
I have cried,
I have laughed,
And I have had more fun
Than I have had in a long time.

I used to have
This love for life.
I used to be
wild
And free
And silly
And fun.

I don’t know when I chose to throw that away
For you
But I did.

But since you’ve been gone
I have realized
I want it all back.

And there is nothing stopping me anymore.