No Time to Worry

So my body hates me. First it makes my stomach hurt for 3-4 weeks. Then I get a bladder infection. Then I find out that I have H-Pylori and the meds for that make me feel like crap. And then I start my period. Lovely, just really lovely. Part of it is really my fault of course. I mean, I did wait almost a whole month to get my stomach pains checked put but still. I would like a little bit of slack.

Maybe this is just its way of being subtle about reminding me I should be taking better care of it. I mean I don't exercise like I should, I don't eat as healthy as I should, I eat too much chocolate and I don't do the knee exercises like I should. No wonder it hates me. I am just really busy. I always have homework or work or something going on. I wish life was easier.

I know I shouldn't wish life was easier because I had no reason to think it would be easy or ever get any easier. After all I have seen my parents struggle all the time. It makes me angry though. Angry that I can't do anything to make it easier. If I cut back on working then I won't have as much money and in the long run I will owe a ton more money on my loans. If I drop a class I will have to pick another one up somewhere. If I don't do my homework I will fall behind. If I skip class then my grades will go down. If I don't clean the apartment it won't get done. If I don't eat, I'll starve. Between what I have to do to stay alive, what I need to do for school and the hours I need to work to pay my bills I have no time to do anything except take 15 minutes out of my day to complain here about how hard it is.

And I realize a lot of people have it harder but oh my god for once I want someone to believe me when I say it isn't easy. The only way I can do this is to tell myself there is no other option. To say this will happen and that is it. I can't doubt because when I start to doubt I start to worry and I don't have time to worry.

This is what it takes to make my dreams come true.