I’m scared. Plain and simple, I’m afraid. I have spent so much time working on this dream of mine and now I feel stuck. I can’t seem to take the next step. I’m afraid to move forward. I am afraid to leave behind the comfort of what I know. I am afraid of that great big expanse of unknowable space that stretches out before me.
At the same time I am afraid to stay where I am. I am afraid of becoming stationary,
comfortable. I am afraid I will no longer push myself towards that goal. There is so much in my life I want to do and I have only just gotten back so many opportunities. I am afraid I am not doing enough to take advantage of them; to push for them.
And I’m tired. I have been battling this fear for so long now. Everything before was new. New town, new school, new job. How many times have I moved? How many times have I set out somewhere new? How many bright new beginnings where I was nervous?
The fact that I have thus far beaten back that fear every time and have faced down the new challenge before me only makes me more afraid. Maybe this will be the time I’m not enough. Maybe this will be the time I fail. Maybe this will be the time the fear wins.
Everything in life is a battle. The world gives nothing away for free. Nothing worth having anyway.
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