Today I leave town for 2 nights and 3 days for a teacher workshop at Sunday River. I get to go there, stay in a hotel room, and have everything paid for. All I have to do is show up, listen, learn, and be prepared to share when school starts back up. I think I am going to learn a lot.
However, I'm nervous. Any time I leave home to stay in a strange place by myself I am nervous. I have never stayed in a hotel room alone before. Garrett has always been there with me. I am going with another teacher but I don't know her very well. I suppose this means I will be getting to know her very quickly though. That could be good since our classrooms are right next to each other. I should know her better. I just don't interact with a lot of the other teachers much cause I live in my own little bubble.
I am also gearing up to be away from Garrett for a couple of days. I know I am going to miss him. Especially since I won't know anyone else there. I am sure I will be a little bit lonely. I miss him every time he is gone. I find myself checking my phone constantly. I try to not text him first but to wait for him to text me. Usually he is the one who is off on a trip somewhere and I just don't want to bug him when I know he is hanging out with his friends. But this time I am the one leaving on a trip.
I find myself wondering if he will come home to an empty apartment and wonder how to spend his time. I wonder if he will sit and watch things online or on netflix. I wonder if he will check his phone and Facebook constantly looking for an update from me. I wonder if when he goes to bed he will snuggle up to my pillow like I snuggle up to his when he is gone. I wonder if he will toss and turn for hours before falling asleep because the bed just feels too big. I wonder if he will sit at home on Tuesday watching the clock and waiting for me to walk in the door.
I never feel like he misses me when he is gone. I always try to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves. He never seems to notice.
Last night we crawled into bed together and for the first time in I don't know how long he pulled me in close to snuggle. I was laying there and I knew that it was because I was leaving. I felt like he might actually miss me. He held me all night while we slept. Something he hasn't done since... since before we moved here. So a year? Maybe longer.
I loved every minute of it. I loved waking up to his arms still around me.
I think this is different for him. He isn't used to being the one left behind. I wonder if he is realizing how different it is to be the one waiting at home.
No comments:
Post a Comment