Hurricane or Drizzle?

I love John Green. In his book, Looking for Alaska, Pudge says, "...if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." I must have read this one line five times. God, I want to be that girl. I want to be a hurricane. I realize that the girl Pudge is referring to is a hot mess but she is a lot of other things too. She is alive. She is vibrant. She is funny. She is smart. She is adventurous. She is dangerous. She is stronger than she thinks. And she is unforgettable. 

I used to be that girl. But lately... I feel more like drizzle. I feel like the violets, crimsons, and cyans of my life have dulled and muted. I feel bland. It's the same thing day in and day out. I get up. I work. I come home. I go to the gym. I watch tv. I sleep. Repeat. On my days off I work or clean house. Where is my adventure? Where are the days of jumping in the puddles gone? Where are the long car rides to no where with the windows down and the music blaring? Where are the sunsets streaked with fiery orange and neon pinks? Where are the mountains I used to hike? What happened to dancing? And to making love until the sun the came up? 

What happened to the girl who I loved? 

A long time ago I went on a mission to find me again. What I found was a fierce, independent, hurricane. How did she become drizzle? Where is my fire? My passion? Where is my sense of adventure? Has it been hibernating through the long winter months waiting till summer to go back? Or did I lose myself in someone else again? 

That's what I fear. Maybe I have forgotten her again. 

Either way the question in my heart is stil, "how do I get her back?"