RUNNING!

January of 2013 I made a New Year's resolution to climb Katahdin. In order to get fit enough the accomplish this goal I bought myself some workout clothes, downloaded a calorie tracker on my phone and then signed up for a monthly gym membership.

My workout routine was 3 times a week. I would come home from work, cook us a quick dinner, and then I would jump in the car and drive to Bangor to meet Devan for our workout. We did everything there. We walked on the treadmill, we did the elliptical, we rode the bikes, we tried the arc trainer, and we tried the circuit training they have set up.

In the end our favorite thing was running. We hated the fact that afterwards we were too tired to move. But we felt sexier. Thinner. Lighter. So we kept doing it. We saw major results. I was down to 174 by the end of March. This was the thinnest I had been since senior year of college and I loved it.

We felt so good we signed up for a 5K. Unfortunately, Devan ended up injured right before race day and so I had to run the race by myself. It was hard. It was grueling. I am pretty sure I did more walking than running. But the other runners. Man, oh man.... the other runners were superb. They cheered me on. They stopped and ran beside me. A couple of ladies got tired and we finished the race together. It was the best feeling in the world when I crossed that finish line. I celebrated with a fried cheese melt and by signing up to do another 5K. 

Eventually Devan went to Scotland. When she came back we were no longer in a good routine. Things fell apart and we both ate the weight back on. I managed to complete my second 5K and do a decent job. The race was again amazing and for a while they inspired me to keep working on running. But it just didn't stick.

I did not return to the gym. At the end of November of 2013 I was horrified to step on a scale and realize I weighed 185. I had not only gained back every pound I had ever lost but I had gained 5 more pounds on top of that. I tried to go back to the gym. I went for a month. I tried this new app I had downloaded on my phone, C25K. Couch to 5K in just weeks was the advertisement. I hated it. every night I would leave the gym more exhausted than the last. I dreaded going to the gym. I fell asleep in the car on the ride home. I fell asleep in the shower, standing up. I didn't lose a single pound.  Clearly something was wrong.

I stopped going again. I figured that until I figured out how to go to the gym without feeling like shit every time I left there was no point in going. Not to mention my gym buddy was no longer in the state. The gym was no longer fun.

For a month I didn't step foot in the gym. Then I picked myself up and started going again. It's hard to make time to go to the gym. It is hard to watch what I eat carefully and to measure portions correctly. It is hard to get on the treadmill and see others running as fast as they can beside you while you struggle to breathe after 30 seconds of running.

But it is harder still to know that I was on my way to having a body I felt proud of. To know that for months I walked around with knees that were pain free. To know that I sleep better when I keep active. It is harder to look in the mirror and feel like you are a skinny person who is buried underneath a mound of fat.

When I went back to the gym I decided I would no longer do any running. My cousin is a physical therapist and my close-friend is a massage therapist. They both told me that running would be awful for my legs and that unless I had consent from my doctor I shouldn't even be trying it.

Secretly, I disagreed. My knees had never felt better than when I had spent all those months running. But I knew I had lost all the strength I had spent months building up in them so I listened.

For months now I have been doing working on both cardio and on strengthening my legs. Today I did ten minutes of yoga and tonight I strapped on my running shoes.

It was hard. I think I ran down the street a total of 30 seconds before my stomach cramped, my throat and tongue burned, and my legs felt devoid of oxygen completely. But I ran. I ran/walked for 12 minutes, for a total of 0.7 miles before I decided I should go in, sit down and breathe. For that time I felt good. The air smelled sweet and warm. The wind caressed my face. And all sounds were drowned out by the music blasting through my ear buds.

I am a runner.