At Dad's

Little boys don't like to let you sleep past 7. I finally gave up trying to sleep through the noise and just woke up at 7:30. Been watching Iron Man since about then. I saw it for the first time last night. Pretty soon I will have this movie memorized. I could drive home right now and make it home in time to take a nap. I won't do that though. Despite being woken up earlier than I would have liked I'm having too much fun here. I went to bed at midnight but I didn't turn the light in the kitchen off until 5 am so I woke up repeatedly cause of the light. I guess I didn't get much sleep then.

What Keeps Me Smiling

Why is it that every time I pick up a pen now I find that all I have to say is I love you? I sit here in front of my computer listening to music and trying to write something, anything and all I can think to type is I love you. It all comes back to that. Never been so happy as I am now that I’m with you. I’m currently in my room by myself, I’m lonely, I miss you, my ankle hurts, my fish recently died and my mom is mad at me and somehow I can still be happy because you are there. Even now when I feel like I have been cleaved in two and my other half ripped away from me violently… I’m happy. The thought of your smile, of the hug you’ll have waiting for me and the welcome home kiss that has always been and will always be just for me. It makes me happy. It makes me smile. It makes me hopeful. Random glimpses of our happy future swirl in my head. Our one year anniversary, first night back at school, that first weekend on campus after a long break, summers together, our first apartment together, our graduation from college, our wedding day, our first days of work, our first house, our first baby, and years and years more spent growing old in each other’s arms; together forever. I can’t ask for more.

In With the Good And Out With the Bad

This my 38th post which makes one more post than last month! Yay! Way to go me. I am very tired today. Tired but happy. I just found out that next week I am only working Sunday which makes for another very tiny pay check but it makes for a less stressed Dani because I will have more time to do my homework. Not going to complain about that. It has been a pretty slow day so far. Slow but good. I enjoyed sleeping in but again am still tired. The only thing I am stressing about is the amount of work I have to do this weekend. But I should be able to get it done and do everything else too. I have Monday to do my English reading. Then I have tonight and Saturday to read that book for Monday. Then I have Sunday after work and part of Monday to do my reading strategies project. Then the paper that was due Tuesday has been moved to Thursday so that relieves that stress. Now I have time to write it Tuesday or Wednesday. Having Tuesdays and Thursdays off from work leaves me with a lot of free time during the week. It is awfully nice.

So in general life is good. Steve was right when he said to just enjoy my life and not worry too much about others. Garret was right when he said I am too busy with school, work, him and Lindsey to have time to stress about anything else. He is absolutely right. In with the good and out with the bad. Tomorrow is a special day. It is the Witch's New Year. Maybe I should treat it as one.

A Great Wednesday

My goal this month was to do one more post than I did last month. I missed posting yesterday so now I'm not sure I will accomplish my goal. Yesterday was a really great day. It was busy but it was good. I had a pretty good first class of the day and after class I ordered some stuff from a friend who is a Mary-Kay Representative. It was great cause she gave me a ton of deals on the stuff I ordered. So awesome. I will certainly be ordering from her again! I figure that if I try out the stuff I ordered and I really like it i can get some stuff for mom and Kelly for Christmas. It is very exciting. Then I came back here and hung out with Garret before going to my last class of the day which I usually talk in because it is painful to watch the professor trying to get people talking and no one is talking. It was pretty much like that except I wasn't too worried about it because I had plans after it. I got out a little early and rushed home to finish cooking dinner. I made Italian pot roast, mashed potatoes, corn and broccoli all by myself. So awesome! Then Lindsey, Ted and Andrew came over to have supper with me. Also awesome. Probably the most awesome thing though was how they managed to kick my roommates out of the living room. The roommates who bother me because they never, ever leave the living room! She pretty much got up, went into her room and shut the door when Lindsey got here. Lindsey and I were just standing in the kitchen talking so maybe us talking was bothering her. Frankly, I hope so because she and her boyfriend bother me all the time when I am doing homework in my room at night. They are very loud. Anyway, then Andrew and Ted came in and there were hugs all around which was great. It was so awesome that everyone wanted to hug each other. It is that old practicum bond. There is something about that experience that has really bonded us together. So we were all standing talking and hanging out in the common area when basically my male roommate got up, took his guitar and went into his room too. So Andrew sat on the couch and Ted sat on the floor and thus the living room was ours while we ate and then at some point the roommates left because they were having dinner at a friend's place. Thus the apartment was all mine till sometime after 9. It was awesome. Lindsey and I got to sit on my couch and watch a movie on my big TV out there and eat ice cream and we could talk about anything we wanted because we were the only ones home. I loved it. I haven't spent time out in my own living room since I can't even remember when. I pretty much never hang out in there because there is no space with all of their stuff everywhere. They take up the entire living room.

Anyway, they are leaving for the weekend. So the apartment is Garret's and mine all weekend. Very excited. Although I did just find out that she isn't taking her laptop with her this weekend. I asked her why not take it with her and she said she wasn't going to need it. So I asked, "Well, if you are leaving it here all weekend could you please put it somewhere out of the way before you go?" She responded with, "I will." Not sure what that means so I said, "Ok, just asking nicely." I really don't know if she meant to be rude or not but I certainly wasn't being rude. I want to be able to enjoy my living room over the weekend that they aren't here. I think I have the right to ask them to move their shit before they go. She managed to leave her laptop on the couch. Not sure if that means she is coming back or not.

To My Little Brother on His Birthday

To My Little Brother, Nick, on His 18th Birthday,
Congrats, you have finally made it.
You are now considered a legal adult by the state.
How does it feel?
I know for me being 18 was scary.
It was a marker that things were about to change,
For forever and for always.
No matter what happens next
It will be an adventure.
As you try to figure out
What you want from life
And who you really want to be.
Just remember that when things get tough
You have family to help you.
Remember that I will always be your sister
And when you need me, you can call me.
Remember that I love you,
That we all love you.
Remember that you are smart,
Funny,
Strong,
And capable.
Remember that you are ready for this stage of your life.

Teaching and Life

They say there are two types of people who become teachers. There are those who liked school and don't want to leave it. Then there are those people who hated school but figured the best way to change the system they hated was to do it from the inside.

I have never really been sure which one I am. I am always fighting for a change. I want there to be more power in the hands of the poor, the downtrodden, the unlucky. I want education to be the doorway to a better life for more people. I want more people to realize that they can do better than they are doing. I want the gap between the rich and middle class, and the poor to shrink. I want to make people smile and discover that their child who they thought was lazy or stupid is actually a brilliant actor, poet, essayist, or has a brilliant way of analyzing literature. There are a million ways that the world is wrong. And I feel like I could have an effect. I could change it. That is why I am a teacher.

I neither hated or loved school. I went because I saw it as an opportunity to be somebody. To recreate myself in another lifestyle. To escape from where I lived. School was there to lead me to where I wanted to go.

I have been thinking lately that life seems like a waste of time. I have been thinking that maybe everything is pointless because even if I do cause a change I probably won't get to see it and live it simply because of the nature of change. I heard today from a good friend that it doesn't matter if you don't cause change. What is most important is not wasting your life. Not having a ton of regrets at the end about what you could or should have done.

She is right. I used to think that and somewhere I lost that. Life isn't about the end because we all have the same inevitable end. Insert cliche here, "Life is about the journey".

Waiting

I hate waiting. I'm just sitting here on my laptop waiting. Waiting for class and my day to start. At least if I am here sitting in the classroom it doesn't feel like I am waiting to go. Action is so much easier than inaction. Especially when you are not enjoying your environment. This whole situation isn't working for me. I feel like I'm the only one who is trying. I'm not sure why I agreed to this.

Professor is here.