Dear Jason,
I think if you were reading this letter you would be surprised. After all, I was already broken when we started dating. I think that probably had a lot to do with why you hurt so much. I was happy with you. I loved you. You never loved me.
You made me feel like I was deserving of love again but then you didn't really love me at all. You made me feel special and wonderful and desirable. Then you didn't want me. I just wasn't important enough. I didn't even make your top ten.
I understood that I came in second to school. We were in high school and we were both there because it was a stepping stone towards the lives we wanted. I understood that your friends and your family were important. They were important to me too. I even understood when you couldn't find time to spend 10 minutes talking to me before or after practice. I understood that basketball, soccer, track, chess club, latin club, math team, all of it was equally important to you.
You just didn't think I was important. I couldn't compete with all of that. And I didn't even try to. I just asked to be on the list of things and people that meant something to you. And you said, "I don't think I can give 100% to this relationship." I asked if I was important and demanded to know yes or no and you said, "Its not that black and white." I wasn't even asking you for more of your time. Just an acknowledgment that I was someone you cared for.
Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I let you know how i felt too soon. Maybe I didn't play it cool enough. Or maybe I just came off as too clingy. I don't know.
All I know for sure is that I will never let anyone make me feel like I don't matter again.
Thanks for showing me that I do matter.
Dani
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