"It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!" ~Mark Twain
“Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.” The first time I ever saw this was on the bathroom wall at Bangor High School. I remember thinking that I wished that my high school was cool enough to have philosophical statements on the walls like that. All we had was call “207-623-4578 for a good time.” The irony there kills me.
"Poetry is in my bones."
"...a village elder who, observing the red northern lights in the sky following September 11, commented, 'There is too much violence in the world today.'"
Both from "Finding a Place for Poetry in the Classroom Every Day" by Sheri Skelton
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Lots to Think About
The good news is that I finally got caught up on sleep. I got to sleep in until 10:30 on Saturday and then I slept until 11 on Sunday and went to bed pretty early that night so I woke up rather well rested yesterday. in fact, I was so well rested I had a hard time falling asleep last night.
On the other hand I am overly sensitive to being teased, my stomach hurts and I have very little ambition. I'm glad I got so much work done yesterday and Sunday cause I have no ambition to do anything today. I have all of my homework up till Friday finished and I have half of that finished. I just need to do the reading for my other English class and a commonplace journal. Woo. My life is very exciting. I do homework until I can't do homework anymore.
Yesterday, I also did a small load of laundry, went grocery shopping and checked out cell phones. I was thinking about getting a plan but they are very expensive. And they don't include texts. It is extra for texts. Now I am trying to decide if I should stay with what I have or go with Straight Talk. It is an off shoot of Tracfone and another type of prepaid phone. It requires you to pay 30 dollars every month to get 1000 minutes, 1000 texts, and 300mgb of internet or pay 45 dollars a month and get all that unlimited. It might be worth it since I am already paying 40 a month to get 400 minutes a month and that includes texts. They subtracted my texts from my minutes. And of course that is just during the school year. I'll be using more over the summer cause Garret and I text a ton when we are apart. However, it means spending 100 dollars to get a new phone. It is a pretty nice phone though. My only phone. Lots to think about.
On the other hand I am overly sensitive to being teased, my stomach hurts and I have very little ambition. I'm glad I got so much work done yesterday and Sunday cause I have no ambition to do anything today. I have all of my homework up till Friday finished and I have half of that finished. I just need to do the reading for my other English class and a commonplace journal. Woo. My life is very exciting. I do homework until I can't do homework anymore.
Yesterday, I also did a small load of laundry, went grocery shopping and checked out cell phones. I was thinking about getting a plan but they are very expensive. And they don't include texts. It is extra for texts. Now I am trying to decide if I should stay with what I have or go with Straight Talk. It is an off shoot of Tracfone and another type of prepaid phone. It requires you to pay 30 dollars every month to get 1000 minutes, 1000 texts, and 300mgb of internet or pay 45 dollars a month and get all that unlimited. It might be worth it since I am already paying 40 a month to get 400 minutes a month and that includes texts. They subtracted my texts from my minutes. And of course that is just during the school year. I'll be using more over the summer cause Garret and I text a ton when we are apart. However, it means spending 100 dollars to get a new phone. It is a pretty nice phone though. My only phone. Lots to think about.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Is It Bedtime Yet?
I can not wait for it to be Sunday. I need that day off. I need to sleep and sleep and sleep. I could spend all day in bed and still not get enough sleep. What is wrong with this picture? I am normal bored by too much non movement or too little intellectual stimulation. I always need a book or to be doing something but lately all I want is a comfy bed, a nice blanket and a few hours undisturbed. I went to bed at 11 last night in an attempt to get some extra sleep. Didn't happen. i woke up twice during the middle of the night and couldn't get right back to sleep. Once, because I stretched and got a charlie horse in my left calf. I hate them. They hurt so bad! And then I woke up again because I had a very weird dream. I could not fall back to sleep after that either. Why are all of my attempts to sleep fouled? Good thing today is Friday. I can sleep in until 11 tomorrow so maybe if I go to bed by 1 or so tonight I will finally get enough rest. I really need it because I felt sick this morning. Yeah, sick. Like I wanted to throw up. Which means my body is exhausted and wants me to pay attention and get some sleep before I end up spending the next morning crouched over the toilet gagging and trying to throw up and failing because there is nothing in my stomach. I have spent a half an hour like that before and it is no fun. I'm not looking forward to it again.
So now I have to go eat, print off a paper, get ready for work and class, go to class and then rush out of class to work so that I won't be late. I then get to spend 6 hours tired and probably a little cranky helping cranky customers and pretending to be nice. I hope someone fun is working tonight. Sometimes that helps make the night go by faster.
So now I have to go eat, print off a paper, get ready for work and class, go to class and then rush out of class to work so that I won't be late. I then get to spend 6 hours tired and probably a little cranky helping cranky customers and pretending to be nice. I hope someone fun is working tonight. Sometimes that helps make the night go by faster.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Revised This is me
I just got out of my night class where we workshopped this poem. I decided to use some of the suggestions. I think I like the revision better. Thoughts?
Do you wish to know me?
I am
Dancing, White trash,
A silver ring with an oval jade stone.
I am
Pride, Hometown pride.
A large bridge that touches the sky,
Trees, Blueberry fields.
I am
Running,
Wild under the summer sun.
Riding in the car,
Windows rolled down,
Music blaring,
Singing.
I am Stubborn.
I am Water, Beaches, And Deer,
And Frogs that sing you to sleep.
I am all of these things and more.
It’s nice to meet you.
Do you wish to know me?
I am
Dancing, White trash,
A silver ring with an oval jade stone.
I am
Pride, Hometown pride.
A large bridge that touches the sky,
Trees, Blueberry fields.
I am
Running,
Wild under the summer sun.
Riding in the car,
Windows rolled down,
Music blaring,
Singing.
I am Stubborn.
I am Water, Beaches, And Deer,
And Frogs that sing you to sleep.
I am all of these things and more.
It’s nice to meet you.
This is me
Do you wish to know me?
I am…
Dancing,
White trash,
A silver ring with an oval jade stone.
I am …
Pride,
Hometown pride.
I am…
A large bridge that touches the sky,
Trees,
Blueberry fields.
I am …
Running wild under the summer sun.
I am riding in the car,
Car windows rolled down,
Music blaring,
Singing.
I am Stubborn.
I am Water,
I am Beaches
And Deer
And Frogs that sing you to sleep.
I am all of these things and more.
It’s nice to meet you.
I am…
Dancing,
White trash,
A silver ring with an oval jade stone.
I am …
Pride,
Hometown pride.
I am…
A large bridge that touches the sky,
Trees,
Blueberry fields.
I am …
Running wild under the summer sun.
I am riding in the car,
Car windows rolled down,
Music blaring,
Singing.
I am Stubborn.
I am Water,
I am Beaches
And Deer
And Frogs that sing you to sleep.
I am all of these things and more.
It’s nice to meet you.
It Isn't Depression
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/magazine/28depression-t.html?pagewanted=1
Very interesting article on depression. It got me wondering if maybe I suffer from depression. The article mentions being tired all the time and fixating on death. Both things that plague me. I can never get enough sleep lately and ever since this summer I have been thinking and thinking about death. Maybe events in my life triggered it? I certainly go over and over things and wonder what I could have done differently. I am of an obsessive nature. My brain feels it needs to repeat the events that took place with Amy and Tim all the time. Or the fights that Garret and I have had. It makes me think that maybe I have done something terribly wrong or wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder if maybe I made a mistake.
*sighs*. I was so happy for Christmas break. The happiest I have been in a long time. I had a break from school and all I worried about was work and what I was to eat that day. Garret and I spent our time lounging, cuddling and having fun. It is way more likely that I'm not depressed but rather exhausted from the stress of Staples and school on top of each other. I just need a lazy day. And I will get one soon. Sunday I don't have to work. I can spend all week getting ahead on homework and maybe I can take Sunday mostly off. Sleep sounds so good even though I didn't get out of bed till 10:20. I'm also getting close to my period so that is probably a contributing factor too. Maybe I will just do my homework and then take a nap. Yeah, that is what I will do.
Very interesting article on depression. It got me wondering if maybe I suffer from depression. The article mentions being tired all the time and fixating on death. Both things that plague me. I can never get enough sleep lately and ever since this summer I have been thinking and thinking about death. Maybe events in my life triggered it? I certainly go over and over things and wonder what I could have done differently. I am of an obsessive nature. My brain feels it needs to repeat the events that took place with Amy and Tim all the time. Or the fights that Garret and I have had. It makes me think that maybe I have done something terribly wrong or wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder if maybe I made a mistake.
*sighs*. I was so happy for Christmas break. The happiest I have been in a long time. I had a break from school and all I worried about was work and what I was to eat that day. Garret and I spent our time lounging, cuddling and having fun. It is way more likely that I'm not depressed but rather exhausted from the stress of Staples and school on top of each other. I just need a lazy day. And I will get one soon. Sunday I don't have to work. I can spend all week getting ahead on homework and maybe I can take Sunday mostly off. Sleep sounds so good even though I didn't get out of bed till 10:20. I'm also getting close to my period so that is probably a contributing factor too. Maybe I will just do my homework and then take a nap. Yeah, that is what I will do.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Am I Burning Out?
I am starting to think that maybe I am doing a little too much. I did a lot of school and work last semester and while I am not doing nearly as many hours this semester I am getting tired of always being stressed and feeling like I am never caught up on homework. I am tired a lot of the time and I spend a lot of time wishing I could read for myself or watch tv without having to read a book for school at the same time. I read for school all the time. School reading is so time consuming because. There is always 150 pages or more do at a time and just as I finish that I get assigned another 150 pages or so to do. When do professors expect me to have time to do all of this reading? Do they realize that reading is the homework that takes up the most of my time? I am sitting here writing this because I need to vent and while I am sitting here I am thinking I need to read Gulliver's Travels which is 250 pages and due Wednesday. I'm on on page 98 because I have been at work all weekend.
I keep thinking that maybe I should try to get a little bit more time off from work but then I realize that by cutting my hours down from 32 a week to 26 or 28 I have cut my paycheck from almost 250 to about 180. It doesn't seem like much but it seems like a lot because I buy 60 dollars or more worth of groceries every week and I pay gas for my car and insurance and electricity and internet and rent. Most of that comes out of that pay check. I need to make money so I can save my loan money so I don't get into debt after school but I also need to have time to breathe and do school work and sleep so I can get good grades.
Most people stress because they put off their homework. I stress when I don't manage to get all of the homework through to Friday done on Monday because I start to worry I won't get it done on time. I have no idea how I am managing to keep up and I'm really not sure how much longer I can do it.
I keep telling myself I just have March, April and a little bit of May left till school is over for the summer and that I can make it through that. Hopefully, I can. I have this coming Sunday off to be on campus to see a movie for class so that will be a nice break. I asked for the Sunday after that off too so I could go to dad's but they have me closing the Saturday before that so it probably isn't going to happen. I'll probably just end up enjoying those two Sundays off. Then I get April vacation which I think I will just not tell work about so that I can have some days off that week and this time I think I will try to spend more of break relaxing and less of it driving everywhere on Earth. Then of course there is the 24th of April. That is my Praxis II test which I asked for off cause I am not going to be in the mood to work that day after getting up early and taking a two hour test at 7:30 in the morning. That is both a nice day off and a stressful day. I really need to pass it. I don't want to spend another 80 to 130 dollars on that test. Its 130 the first time cause there is a 50 dollar registration fee. If I retake it within a year I don't have to pay that again but still. Lets not spend more than we have to.
I don't know. I know I need the money from work if I want to still be able to pay my bills without running out of money from school loans. I also know that I am exhausted all the time. And stressed. I feel like laying in bed all day and not moving. Just sleeping. I should go to bed cause I have to get up for class tomorrow and I am already exhausted from work today. I guess I still don't have any answers. Goodnight.
I keep thinking that maybe I should try to get a little bit more time off from work but then I realize that by cutting my hours down from 32 a week to 26 or 28 I have cut my paycheck from almost 250 to about 180. It doesn't seem like much but it seems like a lot because I buy 60 dollars or more worth of groceries every week and I pay gas for my car and insurance and electricity and internet and rent. Most of that comes out of that pay check. I need to make money so I can save my loan money so I don't get into debt after school but I also need to have time to breathe and do school work and sleep so I can get good grades.
Most people stress because they put off their homework. I stress when I don't manage to get all of the homework through to Friday done on Monday because I start to worry I won't get it done on time. I have no idea how I am managing to keep up and I'm really not sure how much longer I can do it.
I keep telling myself I just have March, April and a little bit of May left till school is over for the summer and that I can make it through that. Hopefully, I can. I have this coming Sunday off to be on campus to see a movie for class so that will be a nice break. I asked for the Sunday after that off too so I could go to dad's but they have me closing the Saturday before that so it probably isn't going to happen. I'll probably just end up enjoying those two Sundays off. Then I get April vacation which I think I will just not tell work about so that I can have some days off that week and this time I think I will try to spend more of break relaxing and less of it driving everywhere on Earth. Then of course there is the 24th of April. That is my Praxis II test which I asked for off cause I am not going to be in the mood to work that day after getting up early and taking a two hour test at 7:30 in the morning. That is both a nice day off and a stressful day. I really need to pass it. I don't want to spend another 80 to 130 dollars on that test. Its 130 the first time cause there is a 50 dollar registration fee. If I retake it within a year I don't have to pay that again but still. Lets not spend more than we have to.
I don't know. I know I need the money from work if I want to still be able to pay my bills without running out of money from school loans. I also know that I am exhausted all the time. And stressed. I feel like laying in bed all day and not moving. Just sleeping. I should go to bed cause I have to get up for class tomorrow and I am already exhausted from work today. I guess I still don't have any answers. Goodnight.
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