Today in my SED class we did this activity where we talk about some problem and the other person just rephrases what we have said and says it back to us in order to show they are listening and to clarify anything we might have said. I realized as I was talking that the thing that scares me most isn't dying. It's not accomplishing anything. I want to be a teacher in part because I want to change the world. I want to teach students what it means to be respectful, caring, hard-working individuals who have a voice and an opinion and know how to express that in a respectful way. This will make the world a better place to live. But I'm never going to be around long enough to enjoy it. No matter how much work I put it I am not going to get to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I want to be a teacher and I am working on that. So, yes, I will see the end of that goal. But my other goal requires me to have a positive effect on my students' lives and I will never get to see that. I also want to be an author. I have this fear that has developed ever since I had my dry spell where I wasn't writing at all, that I would never be published. I'll be some nameless author out there writing but no one will ever hear my name. I will never be in print. I'm also afraid that I have no talent. What if my mom is wrong and I'm not talented? What if I am just another hack who shouldn't be bothering to try writing?
I love writing. But is passion enough for that? Will passion for my art be enough to get me through rejection after rejection from publishers? Will passion be enough to keep me writing? Is passion enough to create good writing?
Where did my confidence go?
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