It is Tuesday finally which means that I can take a break. I did a little. I finished my reading for tomorrow but have gone no further with my homework. I figure I have time later tonight and all day tomorrow. I watched a movie while doing my reading because I felt I deserved at least a little bit of a break. At least this semester isn't as stressful as last semester even if I am tired and have quite a bit of work. I get to do fun things still like watch movies, watch TV and tonight I'm going to have dinner at a friend's house. It will be nice to have a home cooked meal made by someone for me. I'm a little nervous cause her roommate will be there and I haven't met her before but I'm sure it will be fine. I'm considering driving into the video store and renting a movie to take with me. I said I would bring a movie and scrabble but I'm not sure what we will end up doing. I'm hoping it is warm there. It is cold here. Although, it could just seem to be cold to me because I'm tired. Yes, I'm still tired. Maybe not as bad as yesterday but still tired. Hopefully, I will get caught up on sleep soon.
I have had a major realization today. Despite my living situation and despite work and school, I am really very lucky. I have Garret. I have this wonderful human being in my life who even though I am crazy, stressed, tired, totally insane and often very difficult to live with, puts up with all of it and still manages to love me just for being me. I never realized it more than last night when I being disappointed(mostly in myself, again)tried to explain it to him and he, as patient with me for feeling this way even though it was completely unnecessary, went over the same things we always do that always make me feel better and remind me once again that he is right. Those things that I seem to forget when I feel like I have failed at making us both happy. Could I ask for anyone else to love me better than he? He has really stuck it out with me through everything. All of the crap the world as created for me and all the crap I have created for myself. I can't imagine that I have done anything in this world good enough or great enough to deserve that. But here he is. Still as amazing to me as he was almost three years ago now. Different yes. But still loving, generous, caring, funny, intelligent and altogether more than I could have ever imagined possible.
I hope that I can hold onto him. I hope that I can keep doing whatever it is that I have done to keep him for so long. I hope that I am as good to him, as generous, loving, caring and wonderful to him as he is to me. I hope that as he learns more and more of my faults he still looks at me like he did when we first started dating. With that look of complete wonder that someone so special could exist let alone allow themselves to be held by his arms.
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