I have absolutely no motivation to do anything related to work tonight. I have a ton of homework due Tuesday and Wednesday and it is stressing me out but I am completely refusing to do it. I just don't see the point in doing it. What is the point of doing my homework? Of getting good grades? Of graduating? Of becoming a teacher. What am I really accomplishing by doing anything? What is the point here? I don't get any enjoyment out of work or school anymore. I'm just tired and bored. I can't remember the last time I spent an entire day just having fun. I can't even remember the last time I was home to see my family. Any of my family for more than 10 minutes. When was the last time I spent an entire day with Garret just having fun? Just laying in bed cuddling? I miss slow mornings where Garret and I had to haul ourselves out of bed because we didn't want to leave. I miss laying in bed with him refusing to wake up and stroking my hair and back trying to put me back to sleep while I kissed his chest and neck in an attempt to wake him up. I just feel no reason to do anything. Why should I do the dishes? Take a shower? Go to work? Do my homework? Get out of bed? Why? Why? Why?
I'm so tired. I'm not even sure why I am writing this. I can name the people who will read it on one hand. It doesn't seem to be doing me much good tonight. I'm not sure where this is all coming from. Maybe Garret is right and I just need a break. Or maybe I have finally cracked and realized that my entire existence is completely pointless. Where is the hope I preached before? Where is my risk? My chance? Where is my confidence and assured attitude? Where is my "I can take on the world strength"? Huh? Where?
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