Why

"for whatever reason we got stuck in a loop where you were sure i "clearly didn't want you" and that caused more stress for me, because whenever anything intimate game up i felt pressured to make up for it and convince you otherwise. i wasn't horny. i don't know why. i can't be with you or marry you with issues like that. that's why i said i was leaving and going to try to find someone else. maybe for a short relationship/fling or maybe for a long one, if i ended up really happy there. i don't know what will happen but i need to figure this out. i was constantly turning you down and letting you down in the bedroom and i absolutely HATED myself for it. i need to see what it's like with someone else who i care about. i need to figure out why i ended up this way, or if it's just who i am. maybe i should have done this a year ago when the kissing thing first became a huge issue
i need this. and it's the most fair thing to you too, in the long run. you don't want to be with a guy who hates himself and feels inadequate"

I didn't think you clearly didn't want me. I thought that maybe I wasn't turning you on and I want to work on that with you. Or for you to say if there was something about me that didn't turn you on. I didn't want you to feel pressured or like you had to make it up to me. I just wanted to be able to be intimate with you. I don't know why I couldn't be. I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't care about any of this stuff. I have been happier with you than I can ever remember being in my entire life. I can't believe that you didn't know that.